In the wee hours of the morning, I heard thunder and pulled the covers up tighter. Doug went to check for flooding and/or tree damage. Evan crawled in our bed for snugglies. When we all got out of bed a few hours later, we learned the noise was something worse than any of us imagined. […]
I was once told that people add “in bed” to the end of every fortune from a fortune cookie. I don’t know how accurate that was, but it was one of the more believable stand-up bits from the source, so let’s just pretend that even though I had never heard it before, it’s something most […]
Amy: “I got an E+ on my book of school safety rules.” Me: “That’s wonderful. What were the rules?” Amy: “Umm, I can only remember one.” Me: “What is it?” Amy: “Never punch people in the face.”
Noah: “It’s older than YOU? Wow! That’s really old.” Doug: “You know that drink you like so much? They make a low calorie version that you really need to try.” I will be sleeping in a tent in the backyard from now on. I hope the wireless is accessible from there.
Amy: puts can of Shrek soup on counter “Can I have Shrek soup with dinner?” Me: “Sure.” Evan: puts can of Cars soup on counter “Can I have Lightning McQueen soup with dinner?” Me: “We will have one soup. You and Amy need to agree on which one.” Evan: drops can of Shrek soup on […]
Me: “Evan, do you want some chicken?” Evan: “With ketchup.” Me: “What sound does a chicken make?” Evan: “Bawk-bawk-bawk.” Me: “Right! Would you like some green beans.” Evan: “Put them beside the chicken.” Me: “What sound do green beans make?” Evan: drops to the floor and curls up in a ball “Bu-bu-bu-bu.” Amy: rolling eyes […]
Dad: “Quesadillas are ready!” Me: “Who wants a cheese triangle?” Evan: “I want a cheese RECTANGLE.” Me: “No rectangles today.” Evan: “I guess I’ll take a cheese circle.”
“Look, Mom! I found two balls in here.” “Why don’t you build something with your Legos?” “I want to get these out.” “Those don’t come out. Now stop doing that before you break something.” “I’m gonna pee them out.” “I really wish you wouldn’t.”
Tommy: “Some girl on campus walked up to me and said I look like a gamer.” Me: “What did you say to her?” Tommy: “I thanked her.” Noah: “Do speedometers have negative numbers when cars are driving in reverse?” Me: “You are either moving or you are still. Speed is not directional.” Noah: “I just […]
Me: “Goodnight monkey.” Amy: “Evan is the monkey. From now on, you can call me Coraline, ’cause that’s a better name than Amy. You can also call me Small Fry ’cause Sarah gave me that nickname. Me: “Goodnight Coraline.” Amy/Coraline: “Goodnight Mommy and other Mother.” giggle