I tried eBay. Once.

A decade ago, with a brand new baby Evan in the house, I declared that I needed to buy a fifth “Rodney Reindeer” since I had five children and four stuffed reindeer. As Doug and I do whenever one of us decides to do something ridiculous, he grinned and said, “Yes, dear.” He didn’t question […]

resisting retargeting

There’s a clothing website that I like to visit occasionally. Everything on the site is unaffordable, but it’s fun to window shop in a wealthy hippie store. The instant I close that site’s tab, an email arrives in my box with an image of whatever I spent too long ogling. “Are you suuure you don’t […]

We speak “married”

She: “We should go to that place near the lamp store where you didn’t buy shades.” He: “The Professor from War Games moved to that spot. The place you’re thinking of is by the yoga bakery that you like.” She: “Oh, good. I’m ready to leave now.” He: “Lemme get my pocket stuff.”

This is why we can’t have nice things – shopping version

This is tax-free shopping weekend in TN. Tax-free weekend is like a ten percent off coupon. It’s a popular excuse to cram all your back to school purchases into three days. People who think shopping is an athletic competition probably love tax-free weekend. For everyone else, it’s far less fun. Tax-free weekend drivers are horrible. […]

pretty dresses, pretty useless staff

SuperTween needs a special dress for an event at the end of June. Two weeks ago, I scheduled an appointment to find that dress. I told the person on the phone what size dress SuperTween currently wears. I told the person on the phone exactly what style and color the adult females would be wearing […]

Next time, I’ll shop online

I stood in line to pay for a chunk of plastic. Technically, it was a seat for the zipline, but if you looked at it, you saw a blue piece of plastic. There was only one register open and several people were in line behind me. Two of those people had very unhappy little people […]

Customer Service

After multiple suggestions to dress in layers when visiting New York, I bought a sweater for my travels. Knoxville’s winter is so brief that I usually just toss a coat on over my shirt. I didn’t really have layering clothes and it took some effort to find a sweater that was neither Granny-wear nor too […]


I know I am the last person on planet Earth to say this, but I went to an Ikea store. Wait. Back up a bit. I have heard Ikea mentioned in conversations for years. Online, I know Ikea from its’ starring role at Make. In my mind, Ikea was a Target filled with assembly-required boxes […]

shopping assistant

Grandaddy: “I’m at the bookstore and I need to find something for your mother.” Me: “Do you want to give her a book, music or coffee?” Grandaddy: “I want to get a CD and one book.” Me: “Okay. Walk to the music area and find the pop section” Grandaddy: “Found it.” Me: “Look for Jack […]

late night errands

If I want to visit the store without the entire entourage, I go late at night. The entertaining antics of late night shoppers is just an extra bonus. Friday I needed to visit the red bullseye store for diapers. I grabbed the diapers and wandered the clearance racks because it’s a sickness and I can’t […]