Santa is for babies

Last year, it was clear that Evan was wise to the Santa game, but he didn’t say anything too obvious. Maybe he was hedging his bets just in case. All of his older siblings reached an age where they went from believing to playing along without any acknowledgement of the change. This year, Evan is making sure everyone knows he is on to this socially acceptable lie.

“Santa is for babies.”
“I’m writing Santa on this note, but giving it to you, because it’s really you.”
“Do parents keep naughty and nice lists?”
“I know that’s a man in a costume.”

I know a lot of people who claimed they would never tell the Santa fib because they believed it would make their children stop believing all adults. Evan doesn’t seem to mind the collective conspiracy to deceive children. He seems extremely proud that he is too old and wise to believe baby stories.

Of course we’ve talked about the acts of kindness and compassion that Santa represents. Evan’s not really interested in the philosophy of Santa. He wants to be big. I’m happy with his understanding of the situation.

It’s the “big” part that makes me feel a bit misty eyed.

overthinking

She: “I’ve noticed other parents trying to avoid candy. I will go to Party City and see if anything is appropriate for a large variety of ages, but I think that some of the children expect candy. Candy canes are seasonal, but most children don’t like candy that tastes like toothpaste. I wonder if peanut oil is used in the flavored candy canes.”
He: “Why can’t you just buy a big bag of candy?”

ornament arrangement

This afternoon, the children and their friends put the ornaments on the tree. I waited until they were finished and focused on other activities. Then, I started to spread some of the ornament clusters out to fill the giant gaps of emptiness on the tree. My children are used to me fidgeting with the ornaments. They know that every time I walk past the tree, I will shift an ornament or two.

The tiniest friend who helped decorate is the size of a pixie. She has such a sweet little voice that her words are musical. I have never seen her be anything but bubbly and cheerful… until today. She walked in the room as I was emptying a space near the top of the tree for the oldest and most fragile ornaments. She froze. Her eyes went wide and flames shot out of her mouth. “WHAT are you doing?”

“I’m moving a few ornaments.” Her head spun around several times. “WHY?”

“Did you finish your hot chocolate? Amy! It’s time for everyone to play outside. Now!”

I backed away slowly from the tree and waited until the friends had gone home, my children were in bed and there was total darkness before I touched the tree again.

late night tv

I try to set the timer on the tv so that it turns off at the same time that I fall asleep. Sometimes, I nod off too quickly and the tv drips into my dreams. Last night, I dreamed about some show called ‘Grams & Glum.’ It’s a crime solving show with Angela Lansbury and her emo granddaughter. I should probably pay more attention to which channel the tv is on when I am sleepy.

Housesitter Instructions – Utilities

If you need to adjust the temperature in the house, click the thermostat and rotate to the menu screen. It might be easier if you download the app. I will need to create a profile for you. text me and I will change the thermostat settings for you.

If the smoke alarm goes off, I will call you.

Housesitter Instructions – Pets

Each dog gets a scoop of food twice a day. The scoop is inside the dog food bucket. The old dog likes to have company when she eats. Make sure she doesn’t steal the cat food when she is done with her food. The neurotic dog has to eat in private. If she hears a loud noise during her meal, she won’t eat.

The boy cats get three scoops of food twice a day. The girl cat gets two scoops. The scoop is a coffee spoon inside the cat food bucket. Don’t look away from the bucket of cat food when the lid is open or the orange boy cat will eat all of the food. Make sure the lid is locked or the orange boy cat will open the food bucket. Don’t let the orange boy cat steal the other cats’ food. Don’t let him steal the old dog’s food either.

The girl cat gets steroids for her hips. Put them under her tongue. She does not like them.

All the furry animals get a treat at bedtime. Treats are in the toy box in the basement. Don’t let the orange boy cat steal the other cats’ treats. Don’t let him steal the dog treats either.

Don’t worry about the snake’s food. He doesn’t eat again for a week. He just needs fresh water once a day, unless there is skin in his water dish. He hates that. Please pick the skin out of his water dish.

no onions

Every extended family gathering:
“You won’t die from an allergic reaction if you eat an onion, will you?”
“No. I will vomit though.”
“Great! You can eat around them.”

Followed by:
“Hey Cathy, want more onions? Ha-Ha!”

And:
“I put extra onions it, just for Cathy. Hee-Hee!”

Making me physically ill is great and hilarious… if you’re a jerk.

He vs She – books

He: “What do you think of the book I gave you to read?”
She: “I’m enjoying it except for the distractingly misogynist attitudes of the author.”

Wrong answer – He: “What misogyny?”
Right answer – He: “I’m glad you like it.”

movie trailers

Thanks to a successful marketing campaign that had my two youngest asking DAILY if they could go, we went to see Big Hero 6. It’s a cute movie, but I would have preferred to wait and buy the Blu-ray. Feast, the short before Big Hero 6 is absolutely wonderful. Go see Feast. Before Big Hero 6 and Feast, there were trailers for upcoming movies.

Spare Parts – A robotics team version of the ‘teacher rescuing high school students’ trope. Wait until your local robotics team is hosting a screening as a fundraiser.

Paddington – Paddington looks like Stuart Little with better effects and no Dr. House. Wait until it gets to Netflix.

Minions – Toilet humor with a classic rock soundtrack. Buy the soundtrack. See the movie on Netflix.

Penguins of Madagascar – See above.

Inside Out – Gave me Nick Jr flashbacks. Netflix.

Tomorrowland – I am cautiously optimistic about this film, but I’ll decide when they release more than the tiny blips of film with George Clooney’s voiceover that we’ve been seeing for months.

Annie – Go see this at the theatre and sing no matter what you think your voice sounds like to others. Then, prepare yourself for all the viral videos of children singing and dancing to the soundtrack.