“Pick on Farragut”

Objective: Blame Farragut for anything you don’t like about Knoxville.
Examples: “Farragut caused urban sprawl.”
“Farragut made the downtown a service center for the homeless.”
“Farragut caused my child to be zoned out of the school in our neighborhood.”
How to play: Whenever possible, toss out verbal daggers that criticize Farragut. Counter the criticism with praise for downtown. Bonus points if you use the words “my historic neighborhood,” “walkability” or “destroyed wetlands.” In order to play this game well, you must know the home zip code of every local politician, celebrity and developer.
If you live in Farragut: You respond to this game with comments about paying more taxes than the rest of Knoxville or wide-eyed innocence.
How to win: There is no winner. The only way to win is not to play.

Cathy -
Is there any food that all of the children will eat other than chicken nuggets?
Mom

Mom -
Tommy eats almost anything. He won’t eat tomatoes or brussel sprouts.
Sarah eats white foods. Chicken, pasta and bread. No fruits or veges.
Noah eats meat and ketchup.
Amy eats most foods, but is leaning closer to Sarah’s white diet daily.
Evan nibbles almost anything, if it’s on someone else’s plate.
I can’t think of anything they all eat except chicken. It doesn’t have to be nuggets.
Cathy

PS - Pizza. They all eat pizza.

cranky, annoyed, irritated, frustrated, bothered, bewildered, ticked, unhappy, aggravated

Apparently Knoxvillians have the attention span of a 2-year-old. In order to prevent future ADD attacks on election day, please make a list of every elected official representing you. Print and paste it into your paper planner, store it on your PDA and keep a picture of it on your phone. If you don’t know who your representatives are, ask me and I will make the list for you. Every time one of your reps does something awesome, make a little note by their name. If they do something monumentally ridiculous or illegal, make a different note. If they call you stupid, say they know what you need better than you do or claim you will get over it, write it down. On election day, you look at that list and decide if those people are really representing you. If they aren’t - go vote. If they are - go vote. This is not difficult. It took me about 5 minutes to get in, vote and get out. Pay attention to what your elected officials are doing. Now!

Tanasi Girl Scouts have wanted a new headquarters forever. The old location was difficult to find and in a less than popular area of town. It was a leased building on leased property. There were no outdoor accomodations for ceremonies or gatherings and the indoor facilities didn’t meet the needs of an active council. I always thought they should build someplace rustic and natural. Knoxville is diverse enough that this could easily happen within city limits. When the great council merge was announced, it left many wondering if the newly merged council that now includes the Tri-Cities area and Chattanooga would be headquartered somewhere other than Knoxville. Now, the council headquarters is going to move to the existing Downtown West strip mall behind Bearden High School. The same strip mall that is physically connected to the student parking section of the high school. I’m sure the facilities will be nice, but I really wish they were locating someplace with a more natural exterior. Like, maybe a tree on the property instead of only concrete and asphalt surrounding the building. I guess the snakes next door count as wildlife. I hope they know that the high schoolers are going to tag their property the way they have every other business in that strip. Do they know that during school events the overflow parking fills their lot? It’s so close to my house I could walk there, but I still wish they could have built a building of their own, in a setting that reflects an appreciation of nature like the Boy Scouts built instead of leasing space in a strip mall.

I called my mother to ask her if she was participating in her neighborhood’s Night Out activities. She replied that she had gotten a few notes in her mailbox about it, but thought it seemed like an invitation for burglaries if everyone in the neighborhood was off having a party somewhere. Then she changed her tone and asked how I knew about it. I told her I *read it in the paper.

Everyone else in my parents’ neighborhood will be gathering tonight. My parents will be sitting on their rooftop with enough firearms and ammunition for the zombie apocalypse.

*When I say I read it in the paper, you can be 100% certain that I mean I read it on the newspaper’s website.

How many times do I have to read the exact same book aloud to the 3-year-old before I can throw the book out the window and run screaming from the room? “The window, the window, she threw it out the window.” Four word sentences should be treated like four letter words. Just because I look like Dr. Frankenstein’s creation doesn’t mean I want to sound like him. Actually, the creature spoke beautiful, tragically romantic dialogue. He was just created a little too soon to bond with the Goths who would have happily sulked with him, their long hair hiding their eyes so that their black lips seemed exaggerated. No, only the movie creatures speak in the monosyllabic, mind numbing repetition that children’s books are so fond of using. I think I should strap the children in their carseats and drive the entire length of Kingston Pike while making them listen to an audio recording of Mary Shelley’s thinly veiled psychotherapy session. Or I could just read Evan that same primary-colored book again. And again. And again.

I have been having recurring dreams lately. In one of them, I am moving Tommy into his dorm in my jammies. In the dream, I am aware that I need to get dressed, I just don’t seem able to do so. Don’t you hate it when your dreams are so obvious you can’t ignore them?

Me: “How is the summer assignment coming Sarah?”
Sarah: “I can’t work on that until I finish my book.”
Me: “How is the summer assignment coming Sarah?”
Sarah: “I’m thinking about it.”
Me: “Do you need help?”
Sarah: “No.”
Me: “When are you going to do it?”
Sarah: “After I finish my book.”
Me: “No.”
Sarah: “Tomorrow.”
Me: “That’s correct.”

Guess who will stay up all night reading? I hope Stephenie Meyer helps Sarah get her assignment done.

It’s Friday night and I’m at the bookstore with Sarah for the new Twilight book release party. I have claimed a big, squishy chair on the wall with a view of the wristband table and cash registers. It’s not the best location in the store, but it’s the best chair. I thought about dragging the good chair to a better location and decided the employees would not approve of my redecorating efforts. The store is 98% female and the background noise has a distinct giggle tone. Every few minutes, someone squeals. This crowd may look goth and gloom, but they are happy. In two hours when the book comes out of the back storeroom, the crowd should be punch drunk silly. Most of the parents are huddled in the coffee shop with bored expressions. In two hours, they will probably be asleep in their cars. I might be asleep in my squishy chair.

The building is packed with females, but the drama still takes place in the ladies’ room. “And then he said…” The books were rolled to the front at 11 pm, but crabby employee didn’t want me taking a picture of a blanket draped blob. Silly employee. Don’t you know that you guaranteed I would take that picture? A girl in a purple prom dress was declared best costume and the crowd started massing toward the checkouts. I took the computer to the car at 11:45 and passed three cars with the engines humming while the designated drivers slept. By 12:05, Sarah had her book and we were home by 12:15. I am now regretting the Starbucks purchases I made over the past three hours. I should be able to fall asleep sometime tomorrow. I just hope it’s after the STAR horse show.