Posts Tagged ‘aspergers’

replace me with an app

// February 3rd, 2013 // No Comments » // aspergers, parenting

Upon my death, there will be an immediate job opening.

Seeking to hire: Talking alarm clock for StacheMan. Must be available 24/7/365. Elementary level ability to tell time and simple arithmetic skills are required. Duties include around the clock announcement of the current time, announcement of time remaining until next scheduled activity and reminder of social norms relevant to current time.

Examples:
“It’s time to wake up and shower. You have to be at work in one hour.”
“It takes fifteen minutes to walk to work. You need to leave the house now.”
“You’ve been sitting at the computer for six hours. Please get up and eat something that can’t be stored in your desk drawer.”
“It is two in the morning. You need to game silently, since this is the time when people like to sleep.”

Compensation for job will include growling, snarling and insolence, followed by apologies and hugs. The hugs are top quality.

Dear teacher,

// December 19th, 2012 // 1 Comment » // aspergers, school

The first school day after a horrific mass murder in an elementary school, you latched on media accusations that the shooter had Asperger’s and assigned your students to write a three paragraph essay about it. The following day, you attached a very vague article about changes to the DSM to the assignment.

Autism is a spectrum disorder. People with Autism range from non-verbal and rigidly limited functioning to the high functioning, extremely bright people with Asperger’s. The treatments and prognosis for people on the Autism spectrum vary so greatly that it really doesn’t matter what the DSM says or does. The DSM writes labels. People are not labels.

Asperger’s is a developmental disorder, not a mental illness. People with Asperger’s feel and express emotions. They do not lack empathy for others. They have difficulty understanding non-verbal cues and are extra sensitive to light, sound and touch. They are considered socially awkward because they are bluntly honest instead of superficial or manipulative. People with Asperger’s are frequently the victims of bullying and other abuses because they trust other people. When the media describes people with Asperger’s as though they are sociopaths, they do great harm to all of the people with Asperger’s. They are people like my son, who is extremely bright, funny and kind. My son, who walks to and from his food service job every day and socializes with his friends on the weekends, is a graduate of our school system. My son, who has a perfectly normal sibling relationship with his brother, your student, is not now and never will be, a danger to himself or others.

Why not ask the students to discuss the inclusion of video game addiction in the new DSM when obsessive personality disorder and addiction are already included in the manual? What about the idea that video games and movies can cause someone to commit murder? Maybe you should ask the students to compare the shooter’s connection to the school with the recent shooting at Inskip Elementary here in Knoxville and discuss mental health screenings for school employees. Since the media identified the wrong person as the killer and social media immediately plastered the wrong person’s face and contact information everywhere, maybe you should have asked the students to write about the damage that social media can inflict on people. As every person in that school died from bullets fired from a gun, maybe you should have asked the students to write about safe gun ownership versus gun fetishism in America. You could ask students to write about the potential for human damage inflicted by a handgun versus a Bushmaster AR-15. Maybe the students should talk about access to, availability of and stigma attached to mental healthcare is America. Then again, maybe these heavy discussions need to be had by adults now and teenagers later.

I know that your intention with this assignment was to give students a safe outlet to express their feelings about what happened in Newtown. Given the short time that has elapsed since the brutal crime and the lack of days left in this semester to appropriately discuss students misconceptions about Asperger’s, assigning the students to write a paper about warning signs that someone is a danger to themselves or others and how to seek help for themselves or others would seem to be a much more important subject for an essay. Ultimately, your current topic can be covered in one sentence.

A diagnosis is a small part of a person and people are not defined by labels.

Aspie copycat

// February 6th, 2012 // No Comments » // aspergers, relatives

Children on the spectrum are brilliant imitators of the people around them. It’s a technique that helps them fill in the blind spots caused by Autism. It’s also one of the best reasons for mainstreaming with their NT peers.

Aspie Caveman has always had a very close relationship with his grandfather. When Tommy was very young and unable to cope with the sensory assault from his environment, his grandfather acted as some sort of constant to help reduce and recover from the meltdowns. As he matured and developed coping skills, Tommy and his grandfather became the very best of friends. After his grandfather’s CABG surgery, it became glaringly obvious that the child with Aspergers understood his grandfather as well as his grandfather understood him.

I’m not sure how long the transition has been taking place, but Aspie Caveman has now taken on the affect of his grandfather. They have the same mannerisms, expressions and physical movements. They use language the same. I may be able to replicate my father’s penmanship, but Tommy reflects the man who he is named after in every other way. My father would never spend half an hour describing the minutia of a game, but when Tommy does it, I see and hear my father. It always makes me smile.

I know with my head that the mimicry is a coping skill. In my heart, I see it as a gift.

Endlessly fascinating

// January 4th, 2012 // 1 Comment » // aspergers, sleep

Aspie Caveman has developed a 48-hour sleep schedule. He spends 32 hours awake, followed by 16 hours of hibernation.

Sometimes, I understand his thought processes and logic. This is not one of those times.

AspieTown

// September 16th, 2011 // 5 Comments » // people

Parents of adult Aspies know what the parents of small children on the spectrum don’t want to know. After spending twelve years of school trying to not be Autistic and learning to tolerate the NT world, the NT world is unwilling to tolerate our young adults.

We recognize that our spectrum children have grown into absolutely amazing adults. When young adult Aspies get together, they are more social than any NT out there. They joke, chat and debate for hours on end. Years of perseveration has filled their brains with more details than a Jeopardy champion.

The real world doesn’t appreciate our children. They thoughtlessly stomp on the efforts of our children to integrate in their confusing, cruel and deceitful communities. Our children are punished for honesty in a world that rewards superficial deception.

If I could, I would create a safe place for adult Aspies to live. Not a gated jail like the compassionless want for Knoxville’s homeless, but a commune within the city. Uncle Ernie’s camp without the pedophilia and homicide. A place where we return to the days when southerners took pride in their eccentricities instead of medically altering everyone to look and act identically.

Lacking the bottomless funds to create the world I want, I work with the world I have. My life is AspieTown. I quietly watch my adult Aspie laughing with his friends. I use my angry eyes to deflect the cruelty of those who can’t look beyond the quirks to appreciate the gifts that spectrum children give to those who allow them into their lives.

Sometimes the gifts are gag gifts, but every day is a holiday in AspieTown.

Cuts like a knife

// August 13th, 2011 // 3 Comments » // aspergers

“You need to get him declared permanently disabled.”

Monday, he will turn 21.

A week of Aspie conversations

// October 5th, 2010 // No Comments » // aspergers

Day 1: personal jet packs
Day 2: ninjas
Day 3: Lord of the Rings
Day 4: that time you bumped your knee
Day 5: flying cars
Day 6:Venture Brothers characters
Day 7: owning your own island

Each conversation should be discussed in complete detail with careful attention to the most obscure, never considered aspects. Conversations should fill every waking moment of the day, including, but not limited to, when your potential audience is going potty, talking on the phone and trying to sleep. When conversations are interrupted for short breaks, start the conversation at the beginning again. If the interruption lasts more than an hour, begin mid-sentence, mid-syllable. Your audience can’t be taken seriously when they beg you to change the topic. This is just their way of encouraging your thoughtful analysis of the day’s topic. If you forget the new day’s topic, continue the previous day’s conversation. There is always something new to say.

Doug says:

// April 24th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // aspergers

Me: “Why didn’t Tommy get the poo out of the snake’s tank?”
Doug: “I don’t think he sees it.”
Me: “It’s WHITE.”
Doug: “He can’t see it Cathy.”

No Aspie label?

// February 21st, 2010 // No Comments » // aspergers

I understand some of the logic behind the elimination of an Asperger’s diagnosis. Autism is a spectrum disorder and the symptoms and severity don’t just vary from person to person. It varies over the course of a lifetime. Therapies, medications and techniques to help people on the spectrum are equally diverse and effective. A diagnosis of Autism Spectrum instead of one of several choices seems like a logical choice if you need to simplify insurance, records and explanations. This is a good choice for everyone who doesn’t want to understand the Autism Spectrum.

I always say that Tommy has Autism when I first meet someone. If they are genuinely interested in hearing more, I explain Asperger’s. If I meet someone who is in the special needs community, I start out saying Asperger’s. People in the special needs community are usually more interested in information and experiences than people who aren’t directly affected by someone who is labeled with a diagnosis or three. We know that a label doesn’t define a person and need a lot more information.

Asperger’s is more descriptive than Autism. It’s like the difference between saying dog and saying Corgi. (I’m not calling people dogs. Don’t get your undies in a twist.) If you are a Doctor or a parent, wouldn’t you want the best description available to help you narrow your focus on how to help your child? The “no diagnostic tool to differentiate between Autism and Asperger’s” seems like a problem that could be overcome. The difference is observable and should be measurable by quality and quantity of interactions versus disengagement from environment. As soon as the only diagnosis is Autism Spectrum, we return to having to constantly explain our children because they don’t fit someone’s preconceived notion of Autism.

Parents don’t prefer the diagnosis of Asperger’s because it sounds less permanent than Autism. We embrace the Autism Spectrum. We just like accuracy. Autism is accurate. Asperger’s is MORE accurate.

Aspies heart coupons

// January 4th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // aspergers, teenagers

Coupons are all the rage right now. Gone are the days that coupons were only something poor people used to save a few pennies. Now, coupons are considered smart. I think coupons are groovy, but I am not a member of the coupon cult. First, I am capable of buying something without a coupon. I am sorry if it’s wasteful, but if I had to wait for a coupon to have fresh fruits in the house, we would all have scurvy. Second, no matter how great the deal is, I’m not buying things we don’t need. I recognize that we could have stockpiles of disposable razors, diapers and diet foods, but even if it’s free, we don’t NEED them.

“Look at this great ___ coupon!”
“Umm, you don’t need ___.”
“But it’s a dollar off.”
“You can save ten dollars if you don’t buy ___.”
“No. We waste a dollar if we don’t use this coupon.”

This conversation can go on forever with no progress. I believe in choosing your battles and I accept that the world is different through the eyes of Aspergers. I just find this particular battle like nails on a chalkboard. Either the Aspies in my life need to learn to say no to a coupon or I need to be assimilated by the coupon Borg. Neither of us is giving up without endlessly ridiculous conversations that promise to annoy everyone around us.

“You did WHAT?”
“We drove through the drive-thru window several times because they only allowed one coupon per visit.”
“That’s not multiple visits. You never left the property.”
“No. We followed the rules. They made us quit though.”
“You got kicked out of a fast food drive-thru?”
“I guess so.”
“Weren’t you embarrassed?”
“Why? What was embarrassing about that?”

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