Tawdry quirk curators
// April 29th, 2010 // No Comments » // parenting
Doug: “Why is every child in the neighborhood in our house? Send them outside before the walls crumble.”
Me: “I need the noise. The laughing, crying, playing and squabbling noise is important.
Doug: “As you wish.”
// January 12th, 2010 // 3 Comments » // home, life
The majority of my days (and nights) are spent trying to stay caught up on the laundry and dishes. I wash and dry the laundry all week, but every Saturday I strip all six beds to end the weekend with clean sheets, blankets and clothes. If I don’t start Monday with fresh bedding, full dressers and mostly empty dirty laundry baskets, I feel like I am trying to run in a swimming pool all week.
The sink is filled with dirty dishes three (or more) times a day. I should wash them all day, but I usually just stand at the sink for an hour every morning and again every evening. If I miss a day of washing dishes, the counters fill with poorly stacked piles of drippy mess that threaten to fall every time a small child innocently tosses a spoon into the glass and ceramic tetris game.
The first problem was the holidays. Shopping, wrapping and travel made the laundry baskets multiply faster than Tribbles. The second problem was a mouse hiding in the kitchen who made his presence known in every drawer and cabinet. The normal dishes in our family are bad, but when I had to wash every single pot, pan, dish, glass and utensil as well as the drawers and cabinets that housed them, the mess was disaster movie quality.
The final straw was a week of freakishly cold weather, snow and ice. Every single blanket in the house was on someone’s bed. Atop the blankets were unzipped sleeping bags. While the adults waddled around the house wearing more layers than Randy, the children somehow managed to get their clothes soaking wet from snow and ice play, over and over again. Eventually, they had nothing left to wear except swimsuits.
Finally, I can see the bottoms of the dirty laundry baskets and the countertops have no piles of dirty dishes. I can sit down and write again OR I can hold my breath waiting for the major appliance break and stomach bug that are just around the corner.
// October 23rd, 2009 // No Comments » // home, life
Remember when I said I need metallic dental floss and a bathroom trash can made of metal so that the used floss makes it in the can instead of everywhere else? Add band-aid wrappers to the list of things that should be metallic. I find those tiny, static-prone papers everywhere except the trash can.
Other fantasy items that would be useful:
household rotating front door with a vacuum vent underneath
single use toothpaste dispensers
stacked instead of rolled toilet tissue
metallic legos
playground surface floors for homes
cars for teen drivers made by Little Tikes
// September 20th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // life, newspapers, parenting
I dug the last of the silver colored coins from the change jar to buy a Sunday paper. Tommy and his friend handed me the paper and I sat down to sort the paper into the order I like to read it. The editorial section went at the top of the pile and the coupons that are my excuse for buying the paper, were saved for last. The sports section went directly to the recycling bin. Something was missing from my pile of newsprint. There was no comics section.
“Tommy? I think you bought a paper without a comics section.”
“It had a comics section, but I pulled it out to read it.”
“Okay. I’d like it back when you’re done.”
I made my way through the news and got up to get the scissors for coupon clipping.
“Tommy? Aren’t you finished with the comics yet?”
“I finished a long time ago. Somebody else must have them now.”
“Noah? Do you have the comics?”
“I did, but I don’t now.”
“Amy? Do you have the comics?”
“Sarah took them from me.”
I looked at the tiny, chopped up scraps of colorful newsprint all over Sarah’s desk and floor. Sigh. No Sunday comics for me. I expect something funnier than the same, tired knock-knock joke from the children this week.
“Knock-knock!”
“Who’s there?”
<- insert anything here ->
“_____ who?”
“On your head! Bwa-ha-ha!”
// July 30th, 2009 // No Comments » // aspergers, parenting, preschoolers, teenagers
Yesterday, Amy and Evan disappeared in the creek that borders our yard. Molly’s barking alerted me that something was wrong and adrenaline fueled Doug found them before anything bad could happen. The children got a lecture that started at the creek, continued to the back porch where their muddy exteriors were shed and lasted through the entire bath. It could be heard a mile in every direction. After the world’s longest and loudest lecture, I prompted Evan. “When the creek is wet, what do we do?” “We play in the mud!”
At band practice, the high school students were acting like teenagers when a DRUM saved “the boyfriend” from being run over by a car. I asked Sarah how the band director responded to one of her students being hit by another one of her students. “Oh, she didn’t know until after she saw him limping during the routine.” I knew football players would keep playing with injuries, but I had no idea that the band had to shake it off after near death.
Tommy is scheduled to have aptitude testing at Voc Rehab today. He kept referring to it as OUR appointment and claimed it was from 9 until about 10. When I pressed for more information, he played a message on his voice mail for me. “The testing will last from 9 a.m. until about 3 p.m.” “Umm, I guess you don’t need to stay with me.” I started mumbling that he should pack a lunch and his grandfather chimed in with, “It’s downtown. There’s lots of places to walk for food.” I know he’s going to get lost in downtown Knoxville. I just don’t know how long he’ll wander before he calls us for help.
I am going to be out of the house for most of the day today. My day starts with an appointment at 9 a.m. and doesn’t end until after a meeting at 7:30 p.m. Doug is home alone with all of the children. All of the children except for the extremely helpful Sarah who is at band camp with a scarlet sunburn that she got while marching in pouring rain. Of course, Tommy is downtown with no supervision. Now that I think about it, I think Noah is in charge of the youngest children today. I expect an endless stream of text messaged hysterics today. They’ll be from strangers following Doug’s blog and Twitter stream.
// May 29th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // aspergers, home, humor, kid quotes, medical, parenting, preschoolers, teenagers
Me: “Tommy, do you want to spend the rest of your life just playing WoW in our basement?”
Tommy: “I don’t think you want to know my answer.”
Sarah: “I have NOTHING to wear. I HAVE to have new clothes.”
Noah: “Umm, yeah, I didn’t tell you, but, I, umm, lost a part of my snare drum that you rented.”
Amy: “Where’s the gum I was saving?”
Me: “Where did you leave it?”
Amy: “It was right there. Where Molly is napping.”
Evan: CRASH! “Ow. Ow. Ow.”
Me: pulling the shelf off of him “Where does it hurt?”
Evan: “Everywhere.”
Two hours and one trip to Children’s ER later, we have been reassured that he will be fine. They decided against stitches on his cheek.
I can hardly wait for tomorrow.
// May 13th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Doug, holidays, home, life, marriage, me, parenting, school, technology, teenagers
5/11 3:00 p.m. – Amy brings home a pile of disks filled with pictures that I agreed to compile into a montage for the First Graders’ end of the year celebration. Two of the teachers sent over 500 pictures each while one only sent about two dozen blurry pictures. My goal was a 10-15 minute loop that had a balance of all the children.
5/12 1:00 a.m. – Evan attempts his nightly trek to our bed, but upon finding me sitting at my computer, the half asleep child demands breakfast. He then proceeds to dump buckets of toys.
4:30 a.m. – Finish First Grade “Year in pictures” presentation, scoop up a cranky Evan and go to bed.
7:30 a.m. – Evan wakes and demands breakfast. Again.
9:00 a.m. – Doug informs me that my photo montage isn’t communicating with the school’s Smart Board.
9:01 a.m. – Begin uploading multiple versions of photo montage to web.
9:15 a.m. – Start washer and dryer.
9:30 a.m. – Evan needs food. Again.
10:00 a.m. – School Matters’ maintenance work, read and reply to e-mails & scan feed activity.
10:45 a.m. – I learn that one of the teachers figured out how to make the photo montage work.
11:00 a.m. – Evan pees on me because he is sitting instead of standing.
11:01 a.m. – Take bath & get dressed.
11:45 a.m. – Start washer and dryer. Again.
12:00 p.m. – Sit down to eat a sandwich which Evan takes from me after I have two bites.
12:30 p.m. – Make a School Matters’ post, read and reply to e-mails, & update Facebook and Twitter.
1:00 p.m. – My father shows up to give me a cake. He doesn’t know why.
1:01 p.m. – My father talks about my brother.
1:20 p.m. – My father leaves and takes Tommy home with him to help with yard work.
1:30 p.m. – Doug looks visibly relieved by the surprise cake delivery.
1:31 p.m. – Wash 2 sink loads of dishes and fold several loads of laundry.
3:00 p.m. – Get snack for Amy & Evan.
3:30 p.m. – Scan feed activity, read and reply to e-mails, & update Facebook and Twitter.
4:15 p.m. – Intervene in Amy & Evan screaming match.
4:45 p.m. – Run to pick up pizza.
5:15 p.m. – Feed children, wash faces and brush hair while scarfing down 2 pieces of pizza.
5:40 p.m. – Leave house and drive to high school.
6:00 p.m. – Attend Color Guard parent meeting that is 90% having our handout read aloud.
6:30 p.m. – No car, so walk *run across Kingston Pike to wait at Books-a-Million.
7:30 p.m. – Doug picks us up and we drive home.
8:00 p.m. – Give children quick baths and put them in jammies.
8:10 p.m. – Clean up the 2 inches of water that Evan dumped on the bathroom floor.
8:15 p.m. – Amy has screaming tantrum because Evan took the towel that she wanted.
8:20 p.m. – Clean children’s rooms so they can go to bed.
8:30 p.m. – Summoned to kitchen where family sings “Happy Birthday” to me.
8:32 p.m. – Gifted new knee socks.
8:35 p.m. – My father and Tommy call to say happy birthday after my mother tells them to do so.
8:40 p.m. – Tuck three youngest in bed. They all acknowledge they had no idea it was my birthday.
8:50 p.m. – Eat piece of strawberry cake.
9:00 p.m. – Wash dishes.
9:30 p.m. – Go downstairs to watch tv in bed. Doug already there watching Earth Girls are Easy.
*Insert teenage daughter snarking about my “big, ugly shoes” and pleading for me to take them off and walk barefoot on Kingston Pike, followed by her mocking the way I crossed Kingston Pike “like a chicken in heels.”
// January 27th, 2009 // No Comments » // kid quotes, marriage, parenting
“This. Is. SO. Em-bar-ras-sing.”
// December 14th, 2008 // No Comments » // holidays, life, people
Neighbor: “Your tree looks wonderful.”
Me: “But, it’s covered in popsicle stick ornaments.”
Neighbor: “We’re looking at it from across the street. All we see is a beautiful tree.”
Distance . . . time . . . beauty.
// December 2nd, 2008 // 1 Comment » // holidays, life, medical, parenting
“Evan needs to go potty. Quick!”
Doug scooped up a naked 3-year-old and carried him to the bathroom.
CRUNCH
“Ow!”
“Don’t move!”
Doug raced from the bathroom to find me with a Christmas tree light embedded in my heel.
Amy and Noah appeared in the broken glass zone to watch the blood drip from my foot.
“Amy and Noah get back until the glass is cleaned. Cathy, sit down and quit picking at it.”
Doug wiped up the broken glass and began picking glass from my foot as a naked 3-year-old ran around the living room.
“Kwis-mas Twee! Kwis-mas Twee! Kwis-mas Twee!”
Noah stumbled to the bathroom with his hand under his nose, blood pouring from his nostril.
“Noah’s nose is bleeding! Ewww.”
“Pinch the bridge Noah.”
“This band-aid is too small for your foot.”
“It’s just until it quits bleeding. It’s fine.”
“Is the tree done yet?”
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