please babysit Doug

I will be spending most of tomorrow at the hospital with my mother because my father is a liar. No, that sounds wrong. My father is a good person who hears the voice of Charlie Brown’s teacher whenever doctors talk. “Mwa-mwa-mwa-mwa-mwa.” My father doesn’t lie. He glosses over the truth. According to my father, whenever the children are with him, they don’t cry or whine or spill or do anything but be perfect little angels. “Amy has temper tantrums? She doesn’t do that when she’s with me.” Regardless of my father’s flaws, I want to hear what the doctor has to say about the extent of damage that coronary artery disease has done to my mother’s body instead of my father telling me over the phone that “everything’s fine”. Anyway, the person I am worried about the most is Doug. Poor Doug will be spending the day alone with Amy and Evan. I am going to turn the camera on in the morning and if anyone sees the Lilliputians children tying up Gulliver Doug, please call for help. If he blogs hysterically, please remind him to breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth. Hopefully I’ll be home before the children chew him up completely.

4 thoughts on “please babysit Doug

  1. awww damn. I always pick the wrong days to be away from blogs. Damn work.

    Just for clarity, that was for the humor of watching Doug. I certainly know and understand the “understated truth” of parents and the “everything’s fine” BS, and how frustrating that can be.

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