I finally made an appointment with the doctor.
Me: “I need an appointment to have a blood panel done with a thyroid scan.”
Woman on phone: “Do you have doctor’s orders?”
Me: “No, but if you let me talk to Dr.B’s nurse I will have them.”
Woman on phone: “I’m sorry. You’ll need an appointment with Dr.B.”
Me: “Fine. I would like an appointment with Dr.B.”
Woman on phone: “Okay. What will you be seeing Dr.B about?”
Me: blink blink

Everyone do a ‘cost-less-than-a-house-note’ doctor bill dance.