You say treasure. I say trash.

“Evan? Where did you get that purple rubber glove?” “I found it.” “Where did you find it?” “In Ms. B’s yard.” “The yard where the paramedics were? Please throw that in the trash.” “Noooo. It’s my superhero glove.” “I will get you a new glove. That one has to be thrown in the trash.” “… […]

Boy doctors

Many years ago, I took my oldest daughter for her yearly checkup at the pediatrician. Harmless questions about diet, exercise and television were followed by a question about puberty, I answer her that for fitness I exercise everyday and use a waist training underbust corset to help with my weight. In response to the answer, […]

like a slow motion train wreck

Late Thursday night, we got a phone call from *camp that two boys in Noah’s troop were sick and H1N1 was suspected. After a sleepless night, we got another phone call saying that the two sick scouts didn’t have H1N1’s trademark high fever and life returned to our version of normal. Saturday, the phone call […]

one of THOSE days

Me: “Tommy, do you want to spend the rest of your life just playing WoW in our basement?” Tommy: “I don’t think you want to know my answer.” Sarah: “I have NOTHING to wear. I HAVE to have new clothes.” Noah: “Umm, yeah, I didn’t tell you, but, I, umm, lost a part of my […]

is it done yet?

“Evan needs to go potty. Quick!” Doug scooped up a naked 3-year-old and carried him to the bathroom. CRUNCH “Ow!” “Don’t move!” Doug raced from the bathroom to find me with a Christmas tree light embedded in my heel. Amy and Noah appeared in the broken glass zone to watch the blood drip from my […]

and the 3-y-o beat up the 6-y-o

With 5 children, we are very lucky we don’t spend more time at doctors and hospitals. The children sensed that we were overdue for an ER visit and set out to remedy the situation. I knew it would be Amy or Evan who had the next big boo-boo. Watching the two of them interact is […]

Dear Knoxville therapist,

You have a special talent for connecting with Aspie children. Even though we no longer see you, I recommend you to the half a dozen newly diagnosed families who call me every month. Well, I used to recommend you. I will no longer do so. I stupidly ignored when you would talk to me about […]

Why did Sarah have blood on her face?

Even though NOBODY asked, I’m going to explain why Sarah had blood on her face and shirt after Color Guard practice a few weeks ago. Why? Because in ten years, the story will either be forgotten or blown completely out of proportion. For the record, the Color Guard was outside practicing. She didn’t see it […]

like a hamster on a wheel

Me: “I need to schedule my son’s checkup and he will also need rabies pre-exposure shots.” Receptionist: “Has your son been bitten?” Me: “No. This is a school requirement for students who will be handling animals.” Receptionist: “Well, you can explain it to the doctor when you come in for your check-up.” Me: “But, this […]

good cop / bad cop

Nurse T: “I can tell you don’t smoke by looking at your skin. Non-smokers look younger than smokers. You have non-smoker skin.” Doctor B: “You are SO pale. Cancer likes fair skin and you are REALLY fair. Avoid the sun.” Can I just see Nurse T from now on? I think I like her better.