Dear courier,

UPS, FedEx, USPS, random guy who owns a U-haul and anyone else hired to deliver online purchases have difficult jobs. This winter’s weather has made driving more challenging than usual. I know that the fine print underneath the “rain, hail, sleet or snow” delivery service pledge says, “except for that hilly neighborhood in Knoxville with trees that prevent the icy streets from melting.”

This week, I got e-mails that said “we didn’t even try to deliver in your neighborhood that should be used as the demolition track in a video game.” Maybe they didn’t say exactly that, but that was their meaning. The first time it happened, it was funny. The second time I got an explanation why my tracking info read “out for delivery” and wasn’t delivered, I got a teensy-tiny bit stressed. Or a lot stressed. Neither is a good thing.

As Christmas is next week and I bravely (or foolishly) did all my shopping up to this point online, I really, really need my packages delivered. So, instead of sending me a ‘why you didn’t deliver’ e-mail, how about calling me on the phone ahead of time and telling me when you will be driving down the heavily salted road that has the entrance to our neighborhood. I will be waiting on that heavily travelled road and you can toss my packages out the door of your vehicle at me.

I think this is a win-win compromise for everyone. You won’t have to send me an e-mail. Your route will get done faster. My dogs won’t bark themselves hoarse. I will have one less thing to worry about. Everybody wins. Do we have a deal?

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