“You’ve trained the cats to beg for food from your dinner plate.”
“At least they aren’t raccoons.”

“I accidentally cracked my phone screen, but there are not raccoon scratches on our door.”

“There’s cat fur all over my clean shirts.”
“There ISN’T raccoon fur on your laundry.”

“I failed to get the Netflix dvd in today’s mail. I succeeded at not putting food out for raccoons.”

I am excessively appreciative of the relative who taught a raccoon mom to scratch on the door for a plate of food for the raccoon babies every night.