“Today was the worst day EVER. I was running late to the bus when I tried to use my pockets and figured out my pants were on backwards. I ran back home as fast as I could to fix them, but my shoelaces were a big knot and I couldn’t get them untied. I ran back to the bus stop wearing only one shoe and barely made the bus. When I got on the bus wearing only one shoe, the driver put one eyebrow up and the other one down. He ‘hmmm-ed’ at me. I sat down and a sixth grader asked me if I needed help putting on my shoes. It was terrible!”

No amount of the awfulness that was my Monday could compare relatively to the endless dignity assault of adolescence that all John Hughes fans recognize. Telling him that the soundtrack to his life is going to be stellar won’t make him feel better about it either.