Young couples wear matching t-shirts. From there, they move to matching sweaters. Before long, it’s matching sweatsuits and sneakers. Doug and I are strange. We wear matching undies. Which is all fine and good because it amuses us without bothering anyone else. Usually. At an event with a group consisting mainly of women my age […]
“I’ll take whatever basketball shoe fits his feet and doesn’t cost $170.”
One of the insignificant details in Fantastic Beasts that tickled my fancy was the different hemlines of pants. Jon Voight, the successful newspaper editor, had pants touching the tops of his shoes. Newt and the other working class characters had pants hemmed above the ankle. The poverty of streets too poor for cobblestones and the […]
With my pinky toe peeking out and the soles separating from the sides, I went in the shoe department and asked for a size 7. The 20-something employee brought out a box of shoes and gestured to the chairs where people try on shoes. I pointed at my feet where the EXACT same shoes were […]
Did I interact with other adults like a normal human being yesterday or did I spend the entire day sitting in carpool lines and shuttling children to/from activities? If mom taxi solitude, then wear yesterday’s outfit again. Of course, if yesterday’s outfit was the only thing that kept my sweat soaked back from sticking to […]
The older I get, the more my body looks like it would benefit from Willy Wonka’s taffy puller. Putting it less vaguely, I’m getting shorter and fatter. I’m down to eating one meal a day and I still look like a weeble. I even spent several months attempting supplements and exercises, but do you know […]
Starving Artist graduates college in less than three weeks. Graduation is at the Lincoln Center. My entire summer wardrobe is jeans, loose shirts and flip flops. After an hour and a half in the consignment store, I’ve decided I’m too fat and old to go to NYC or to be seen in public anywhere.
“Why do all of your jeans have holes in the knees?” “Knees rip, Mom. That’s just the way they are.” Maybe his nickname needs to be Bender.
The people I follow on various social media channels are righteously upset today. They are appalled at a tacky shirt that a large chain store is selling. The shirt has Kent State written on it, but it is printed to look blood splattered. The shirt mocks the tragic death of college students. Nothing about it […]
There’s a clothing website that I like to visit occasionally. Everything on the site is unaffordable, but it’s fun to window shop in a wealthy hippie store. The instant I close that site’s tab, an email arrives in my box with an image of whatever I spent too long ogling. “Are you suuure you don’t […]