resisting retargeting

There’s a clothing website that I like to visit occasionally. Everything on the site is unaffordable, but it’s fun to window shop in a wealthy hippie store. The instant I close that site’s tab, an email arrives in my box with an image of whatever I spent too long ogling. “Are you suuure you don’t […]

over the shoulder boulder holder

My best bra went missing. I searched everywhere in my room in case the bra got put away with another item of clothing. I searched behind the washer and dryer in case the bra flung out of the large appliance and jumped behind it in a feat of disappearing genius. I searched the children’s rooms […]


Last night This morning, I went upstairs at five to give the kittens their bottles. SuperTween was in the bathroom giving herself a manicure. “It’s five in the morning. Why are you awake?” I don’t know why I announced the time. SuperTween was inches from a clock. She knew the time. It was equally unnecessary […]


Sawyer: “I need a Tilley and walking sticks for tomorrow’s field trip.” SuperTween: “Dad’s not going to let you have his hat and the school isn’t going to let you bring sticks. Besides, school hikes aren’t real hikes.”

pretty dresses, pretty useless staff

SuperTween needs a special dress for an event at the end of June. Two weeks ago, I scheduled an appointment to find that dress. I told the person on the phone what size dress SuperTween currently wears. I told the person on the phone exactly what style and color the adult females would be wearing […]

start at the bottom

It’s important to begin your day with an annoying escapade so that the rest of your day seems better by comparison. For example, today, the dogs demanded to go out during Gimli the cat’s morning ‘race from room to room for no purpose’ exercise. I opened the front door for the dogs and Gimli dashed […]

Customer Service

After multiple suggestions to dress in layers when visiting New York, I bought a sweater for my travels. Knoxville’s winter is so brief that I usually just toss a coat on over my shirt. I didn’t really have layering clothes and it took some effort to find a sweater that was neither Granny-wear nor too […]

It fit yesterday

There has been some unauthorized growing by the children. Not one of them filled out the proper paperwork declaring their intent to have growth spurts. They completely disregarded the two weeks notice rule. Since the penalties for unauthorized growth are getting to wear shorts in the winter, the children don’t really take seriously my need […]

Doug shopping

How Doug shops for anything at the hardware-ish store: 1. Visually survey all possible options. 2. Pick up and touch each option. 3. Use app to read reviews of each option. 4. Interview two store employees about each option. 5. Use another app to price check each option. 6. Think of an alternative technique involving […]

Whatcha wearing?

Yesterday, there was very minor kerfluffle because coverage of an event by our local alt-media included color commentary of wardrobes. Shoes and gender discrimination seemed to be the focus of the discussion. Deep down, it was a misdirection by the main complainant, but everyone chimed in and it snowballed into pie recipes. Anyone with a […]