“What do you want for Thanksgiving dinner?” “Macaroni and cheese, deviled eggs and rolls.” “Is that all?” “Whipped cream.”
“Excuse me, sir. Is the chicken under the warming light labeled ‘hot’ because it’s spicy?” “Nooo. It means it’s not cold.” Pardon me, Mr. Crankypants Grocer. I’m pleased I’ve given you something benign to go home and complain about to your family. How silly of me to ask you a question while you put my […]
If you are lactose intolerant, don’t stand anywhere near our refrigerator. We’ve got mozzarella, swiss, colby, sour cream, cheddar, cream cheese, sour cream, whipped cream cheese, flavored cream cheese, sour cream and whatever pretend cheese is used for cheese sticks. Did I mention sour cream? There are three containers of sour cream. There were more, […]
You might be old and boring if you have a lengthy discussion about costs and leftovers, before deciding on new ingredients to include in the family’s weekly taco night.
“How about putting it in a tortilla with sour cream and cheese?” “We can mix it with egg noodles and cheese.” “What kind of cheese pairs best with it?” “I don’t think it matters. Use the kind we put on tacos.” “There’s no cheese in the fridge. If we have to visit the grocery anyway, […]
“We don’t have the salt until Labor Day.” Buried deep under the tiny *coffee shop, there is a time release vault. It is filled with minerals, or as some call it, spice. The vault is only opened once a year and care is taken to remove far less than is needed to make the mineral […]
He: “Don’t forget mustard. We’ve been out since the fridge died.” She: “We’re out of all canned vegetables except peas.” We bought peas. We didn’t buy mustard.
1. Open fridge doors. 2. Stare blankly at fridge contents. 3. Close fridge doors. 4. Return to step one.
“We have chicken nuggets almost every day at the middle school.” “Sweet! I can’t wait for middle school. Wait. Do you have bbq sauce?” “No. We only have ketchup.” “Am I allowed to bring my own bbq sauce?” “Sure.” “Excellent.” Dear Middle School, Please allow my child to carry a bottle of bbq sauce in […]