“Your son was attempting the middle finger salute today. I told him not to do it at school. Please explain to him why he shouldn’t do it.” “See this? < - waves both middle fingers in the air -> It’s a rude and angry gesture. Don’t do it.” “Thanks, sweetie. That was super helpful.”
My husband calls himself a gadget junkie. He somehow manages to get new tech in our house on a regular basis. I greet most of it with a suspicious side eye. It isn’t because things that don’t matter to him, like the children’s Cartoon Network, get the budget axe while things you operate with a […]
“Are those tampons in his nose?” “That’s a real first aid thing.” “I know that. I packed them for ReadingNoah on one of our camping trips.” “Must not have been the desert camping trip. I’ve seen the pictures.” “No. That was the Packtowl nosebleeds trip.”
She: “I’ve noticed other parents trying to avoid candy. I will go to Party City and see if anything is appropriate for a large variety of ages, but I think that some of the children expect candy. Candy canes are seasonal, but most children don’t like candy that tastes like toothpaste. I wonder if peanut […]
He: “What do you think of the book I gave you to read?” She: “I’m enjoying it except for the distractingly misogynist attitudes of the author.” Wrong answer – He: “What misogyny?” Right answer – He: “I’m glad you like it.”
She: “They updated the software on censored! They added censored and censored!” He: “Let me see. Oooooh, sweet.” She: “I want to take a picture of this screen.” He: “No pictures. Violates the NDA.” She: “Don’t they want people talking about the improvements?” He: “Not with other people.” She: “Don’t they want social media noise?” […]
She: “We should go to that place near the lamp store where you didn’t buy shades.” He: “The Professor from War Games moved to that spot. The place you’re thinking of is by the yoga bakery that you like.” She: “Oh, good. I’m ready to leave now.” He: “Lemme get my pocket stuff.”
“It’s Memorial Day! Let’s watch a movie about submarines.” “How about something we both like? Let’s watch spaceships instead. They’re outer space submarines.”
Monday – He: “Do you realize that you look terrified every time I lean in to kiss you lately?” She: “That’s because I’m bracing myself to be electrocuted.” Tuesday – He: leans in for a kiss She: reaches out, puts her hand on his cheek and smiles He: “My wife, the grounding strip.” Best kiss […]
He: “Would you like a pink fitbit?” She: “I’m really more of a black girl.” He: “!”