hot mess express

The back of my brain tickled at having the time to do a load of laundry and dishes between the children’s taxi deliveries and pickups, but I ignored it. I clinked the stack of plates like some parody of a functional housewife as my phone hummed a familiar melody and I realized my crime. It […]

Magic 8-Ball

My imaginary Magic 8-Ball currently gives the following answers: Did you see today’s EO?! Where’s your hood? No laundry on the steps! Breathe I’m not giving you my passwords. Not until your feet stop growing. Get in the car. You ate the whole box?

hippie tree

Since the children were small, we have decorated a lighted garland with 24 treat filled mittens to use as a countdown to Christmas morning. Every January, the children give their leftover candies to a sibling. This year, while the middle child explained to me what he currently does and does not like to eat, the […]

bespectacled

Me to children: “Your glasses are filthy. Let me clean them for you. How do they get so grimy?” Me to myself: “Why are my glasses always dirty?!”

blech

Me: “Can we go a single day without discussions of boogers, pooting and various bodily fluids?” Them: “Nope.” “No.” “That’s never going to happen.”

Nancy Drew Housewife Mysteries

Book One: Socks While using her reasoning powers to track down the partners to missing socks, Nancy encounters a pair of socks that do not belong to anyone in her house. It will take all of Nancy’s skills to find the owner of the UNCLAIMED SOCKS! Coming soon – Book Two: The School Supply List

anything but that

The youngest child is wavering on the precipice between childhood and adolescence. If you stare at him long enough, you can see him growing and changing. I don’t want want to hold him back or push him forward. I want to memorize every single detail of this moment in time. So, when he is operating […]

Monday in list form

Youngest child wakes feeling too puny for school. Spend morning failing to accomplish anything because sick child needs a drink, snack, blanket, remote, cat, etc. Leave sick child on couch with big brother in charge of him. Go to sick child’s school to make copies for his teacher. Zone out and end up at Target […]

vanishing innocence

“I have blonde hair and blue eyes. Even that really bad German man who killed everybody would have liked me.” Age ten developmental milestone that was not in my child development class: Awareness of privilege

cryabetes

I am cry about everything years old. I cry when a fictional character in a book dies. I cry watching commercials. I cry when somebody else is sad. I cry when I’m happy. As soon as I hear someone saying, “awww,” I know I’m going to be crying soon. I cry so often that I […]