Doug: “You see this old person here? <- points at me -> She has lived and learned and you need to start listening to her.” Teenager: <- giggling -> “Mom’s looking at you funny, dad.”
The husband put a motion sensor that makes Star trek noises at the bottom of our staircase. Reactions were mixed. One child picked it up and played with it while mumbling to himself. Another walked back and forth to set it off repeatedly while giggling. One of the children turned it off, hid it and […]
“You and dad are BOTH going to walk me across the field on senior night. I don’t care if you’re in jeans and a t-shirt or one of your Molly Weasley outfits.” I need to borrow one of those full body T-Rex outfits, asap.
Baby books are filled with milestones that parents date and journal as they happen. If it’s not the first baby, the milestones are memories and stories that you share instead of writing. First steps. First day of kindergarten. Bicycles. Foods. All the little moments that accumulate to adulthood. Nobody tells you that your mental scrapbook […]
Day one: Wave goodbye at the airport. Go to a movie. Take a nap. Read for several hours. Day two: Check email repeatedly. Day three: Follow chaperoning teachers on social media. Scour Instagram and Snapchat posts by strangers. Day four: Search for sightings on live webcams. Day five: Pace house. Whine. Search for excuse to […]
The back of my brain tickled at having the time to do a load of laundry and dishes between the children’s taxi deliveries and pickups, but I ignored it. I clinked the stack of plates like some parody of a functional housewife as my phone hummed a familiar melody and I realized my crime. It […]
My imaginary Magic 8-Ball currently gives the following answers: Did you see today’s EO?! Where’s your hood? No laundry on the steps! Breathe I’m not giving you my passwords. Not until your feet stop growing. Get in the car. You ate the whole box?
Since the children were small, we have decorated a lighted garland with 24 treat filled mittens to use as a countdown to Christmas morning. Every January, the children give their leftover candies to a sibling. This year, while the middle child explained to me what he currently does and does not like to eat, the […]
Me to children: “Your glasses are filthy. Let me clean them for you. How do they get so grimy?” Me to myself: “Why are my glasses always dirty?!”
Me: “Can we go a single day without discussions of boogers, pooting and various bodily fluids?” Them: “Nope.” “No.” “That’s never going to happen.”