The TMI post where I apologize

The older I get, the more my body looks like it would benefit from Willy Wonka’s taffy puller. Putting it less vaguely, I’m getting shorter and fatter. I’m down to eating one meal a day and I still look like a weeble. I even spent several months attempting supplements and exercises, but do you know […]

Blech

Starving Artist graduates college in less than three weeks. Graduation is at the Lincoln Center. My entire summer wardrobe is jeans, loose shirts and flip flops. After an hour and a half in the consignment store, I’ve decided I’m too fat and old to go to NYC or to be seen in public anywhere.

Blogger Bigboote

When I was young, I had a huge callous at the top of my middle finger from writing so much. I am not exaggerating. It was so enormous that people constantly commented on it. “Wow! You must write a LOT.” I may have been self conscious about every other part of my appearance, but that […]

I am not the Energizer bunny

Dear Evan, I know you are excited about Easter, but Mommy is much too out of shape to hop around the house like a bunny several times every day. You have four older siblings who can play “bunny” without becoming instantly breathless. I do not want to explain to paramedics that I broke myself tripping […]