“Evan, I need you to pay attention and answer the teachers’ questions today.” “Okay. I’ll tell them a good joke.” “Umm, why don’t you tell me the joke first.” “Knock-knock.” “Who’s there?” “Apple.” “Apple who?” “Apple head! Bwa-ha-ha! Isn’t that funny?” On the class assignment flowchart, “apple head” is guaranteed to bypass all the academic […]
“Why do you sing so loud?” “Will a baby cry if it smells my toot?” “Why won’t daddy let me pee on the tomato plants?” “If my p*n*s fell off, would I be a stinky girl?” “Why can’t I have a real light saber?” “Why are you making that face?”
click Me: “What’s that…” click Me: “Evan! Stop taking pictures of Mommy.” Evan: “Why?” Me: “Never take pictures in the bathroom.” Evan: “But I’m standing in the hallway.” “Mom? Why are there X’s wiggling all over your phone?” “Stop it.” “You stop it.” “He won’t quit throwing stuff at me.” “He threw it first.” “How […]
“He kidnapped him!” “The man in the yellow hat smokes?” “George almost drowned!” “He let a monkey smoke?” “This book is weird.” “I liked the movie better.”
The 4-y-o dressed himself in his favorite jeans and his favorite shirt. He went through a series of odd poses as he studied the clothing on his tiny frame. “Mom?” “What?” “I . . . look . . . awesome.” “Yes, you do.” “I . . . am a cool dude.” We have entered the […]
We spent last weekend house sitting for a friend’s beautiful waterfront home. A weekend away from home, cute animals and deer in the front yard made it feel like a vacation. It was probably less fun for my family who had to endure the annoying whining about my knee, but they’re smart enough to ignore […]
I was once told that people add “in bed” to the end of every fortune from a fortune cookie. I don’t know how accurate that was, but it was one of the more believable stand-up bits from the source, so let’s just pretend that even though I had never heard it before, it’s something most […]
Amy: “I got an E+ on my book of school safety rules.” Me: “That’s wonderful. What were the rules?” Amy: “Umm, I can only remember one.” Me: “What is it?” Amy: “Never punch people in the face.”
Amy: puts can of Shrek soup on counter “Can I have Shrek soup with dinner?” Me: “Sure.” Evan: puts can of Cars soup on counter “Can I have Lightning McQueen soup with dinner?” Me: “We will have one soup. You and Amy need to agree on which one.” Evan: drops can of Shrek soup on […]
Me: “Evan, do you want some chicken?” Evan: “With ketchup.” Me: “What sound does a chicken make?” Evan: “Bawk-bawk-bawk.” Me: “Right! Would you like some green beans.” Evan: “Put them beside the chicken.” Me: “What sound do green beans make?” Evan: drops to the floor and curls up in a ball “Bu-bu-bu-bu.” Amy: rolling eyes […]