If you could choose to either never be sick again or never be sad again, which would it be?

Took the crowd to a drive-in restaurant for dinner and then we played at the bookstore for an hour. Amy screamed, pulled books from shelves and tossed stuffed animals better than I’ve ever seen her throw a ball. I let each of the children pick out a book. Noah picked a book that will certainly get him in trouble at school, “The Day My Butt Went Psycho”. To further convince you that I’ve lost my mind I also got “”Walter the Farting Dog” for the family library. I know it sounds awful but for some reason (not the obvious one) I found the story could apply to anyone who you love no matter how difficult it is to live with them. Came home to find a dead chipmunk at the front door. The cat has now killed the pair that lived in our big tree so we are chipmunkless. I hope Doug is taking good pictures this weekend. Tomorrow I take the crowd to soccer. The sorority is going to be in charge of the Girl Scout troop. I think the girls are going to love it.

Alice just told me I could change my Google language to Elmer Fudd. How funny is that? Also try bork, bork, bork.

Sarah and Doug are on their way to Nashville. All the children on the bus had glazed donuts and bags full of sugary snacks so they should be WILD when they get there. I think tonight’s mall and restaurant (Rainforest Cafe) will be their favorite part of the trip. I have cleaning to do over here and then I’ll figure out dinner. Tomorrow still looks hairy. I need to hear back if some other people can handle the scout meeting so I can get Noah to soccer.

Off to quickly grab a rain slicker for Sarah.

Our ants are not cute little picnic ants. They are big black 1 inch long ants that can swim. They are giving me the creeps. Every time I see a movement or feel a tickle I jump out of my skin. Tommy is unafraid of them. He picks them up with his bare hands and squishes them in the garbage disposal which is a huge waste of water for 1 little bug but I’m not complaining about his efforts. Amy plays with them and stomps them. Noah is a stomper too. The stomping leaves a big mess so I’m not really fond of that method. Sarah and I point them out for the other hunters. I tried getting the cat to help but she doesn’t seem bothered by their presence. A rubber band or flying insect turns her into a jaguar but giant ants just don’t get her going at all.

I still can’t breathe through my nose and the damage mouth breathing is doing to my lips is quite gross. Chapped, cracked and bleeding lips beneath a red runny nose and a voice that sounds like a cross between Lauren Bacall and Harvey Fierstein. Yes, I’m the picture of loveliness. If I were Doug I’d be very excited about getting away from me for the weekend.

Sarah is so excited about the class trip that her face is a huge smile and her little body looks like it has enough energy to run the entire distance between here and Nashville. I need to quit fooling around on the web and finish getting Sarah and Doug’s things packed. Once I make it past the Saturday morning overlap when I’m supposed to be in two places at once things should be fine over here. If I could just get Amy to keep a diaper on things would be a lot cleaner over here. The duct tape no longer slows her down.

“Look ma-ma, a bug.”
“Amy put that bug down.”
“OK.”
Stomp. Crunch.
“I got bug ma-ma.”

I was bored and too stuffy to sleep last night so I counted Doug’s t-shirts. Not dress shirts or polo style shirts or even solid colored plain shirts, just t-shirts with words and/or pictures on them. I stopped counting at 100. If you put every shirt I owned in a pile you wouldn’t count 100. I have less than 10 t-shirts with words and/or pictures. Yet, Doug still says we don’t need to get rid of anything to get the house clutter under control. “We just need to organize better.” The kayak out back hasn’t been used in AT LEAST 6 years and I bet the rubber fittings in it are completely rotted out. There is rock climbing equipment in our bedroom and garage. Is he putting a climbing wall on the side of the house? I think we could live for several months on ebay sales if he agreed to get rid of everything that hasn’t been used in two years. I would apply the two year rule to EVERYTHING. The only exception would be books and pictures.

Doug put ant poison around the foundation of the house, traps all through the inside and even sprayed the baseboards. The ants are still everywhere. I wonder what animal would eat them? A monkey? The big sloth looking thing from Kingdom Hospital? How toxic does the house have to be to get these crawlies back outside where they belong?