When I say “What did the dog just eat?”
I really mean “Stop feeding the dog people food.”
When I say “Did you hear that noise?”
I really mean “Please go check the house.”
When I say “What have you done to this room?”
I really mean “Clean up this mess.”
When I say “All of the children are asleep.”
I really mean “We have 15 minutes to ourselves.”

Could you please explain why our forecast says the air quality is good when there is a mucky haze hanging so low you need your headlights just to drive during the daytime.

I guess it was okay to breathe it today.

The air quality today reminds me of a Hank Williams Jr. concert in the 80s. Cough gasp wheeze

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Me: “Would you please help YOUR daughter move the desk back to the wall.”
Doug: leans over and looks “No, she has unplugged everything and it will take too long. I’ll do it later.”
Me: “When?”
Doug: “Maybe tomorrow.”

Guess who reconnected the plugs and moved the desk back to the wall?

Me: “Amy, why is the desk in the middle of the room?”
Amy: “What desk?”
Me: “The only desk in this room.”
Amy: “That desk?”
Me: “Yes, the one in the middle of the room. Why is it there instead of against the wall.”
Amy: “Blanket.”
Me: “You had to move it to get your blanket?”
Amy: “Yes.”
Me: “Well, would you please move it back?”
Amy: “I can’t.”
Me: “Why not?”
Amy: “It’s too heavy.”
Me: “If you moved it away from the wall, you can put it back against the wall.”
Amy: “I can’t.”
Me: “Why not?”
Amy: “Because I could only move it to get my blanket.”
Me: blink blink

And yet again, we return to the ongoing saga of the mystery neighbors. Someone else in the cove found a baggy of the substance we suspect is being processed or distributed (how many steps are there in that process), in the street in front of the neighbors’ house. Since nobody saw how the bag got there, I guess it could have belonged to anyone, BUT there seem to be an awful lot of clues that point toward the original theory about the neighbors. I believe that this particular substance should be legalized (as should prostitution), but that doesn’t mean I want it around my children. I especially don’t want any activity that could erupt into gunfire taking place directly next door to our house. I also don’t want to complain about or bother anyone who might feel the need to solve the problem with guns. I guess we’ll just try to be quiet, polite neighbors and hope that this is the kind of operation which doesn’t stay in one place for very long.

First bug bites this year.
I scratched them until they bled.
Same thing every year.

Caveman Sunscreen - The layer of dirt and filth that covers my children after a mere moment outside.

Mom says: “I don’t care if it’s your summer vacation, you still have to bathe.” AND “Playing in the sprinkler is NOT the same as taking a bath.”

Tommy’s room organizing and cleaning seems to have become one of MY summer projects. If I have to do it, you are not allowed to complain about what gets packed away, given away or thrown away.

Since Doug works downstairs and I am only downstairs to empty and refill the washer and dryer, Doug and I communicate with instant messenger. Throughout the day, he sends me links to articles he finds interesting. He usually includes a one sentence commentary on the article. Shhh, don’t tell Doug, but I don’t always click on his links. Sometimes it’s because I’m too busy to sit down and read anything, but usually it’s because the topic makes me roll my eyes. Last week he sent me a link and included a comment that sent the link directly to my ignore pile. Today, Instapundit posted the link and I finally glanced at the article. I did not research further than pop psychology’s article, but I cry foul on this study. Like murder rates escalating when ice cream sales are highest, two things are not necessarily causal. Is it not far more likely that the lifestyles of women who use condoms versus women who do not is what really correlates positively to depression?