Tawdry quirk curators
// July 4th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // home, kid quotes
Evan: “Awesome! I want to paint too.”
Amy: “Cool! Paint my door next.”
Noah: “When I have my own place, I’m gonna paint ALL the doors and walls with chalkboard paint.”
Sarah: “Sooooo, WHY did you paint Evan’s door black?”
Tommy: “Where’s Evan’s door?”
// June 23rd, 2010 // No Comments » // kid quotes
Me: “I need to make a grocery run. We don’t have Jack right now.”
Amy: “Who’s Jack?”
Amy: <- baby talk -> “Little Dharma is a cuddly, wuddly puppy.”
Me: “There’s nothing little about Dharma.”
Amy: “Except her brain.”
Me: “WHY did you dump the clean and dirty laundry in one pile on the basement floor?”
Amy: “Because you told me to look for Evan’s blanket.”
Me: “Wasn’t there a way to search that didn’t ruin my clean clothes?”
Amy: “But – I FOUND the blanket.”
// June 10th, 2010 // No Comments » // kid quotes
Me: “Can owls turn their heads all the way around?”
Amy: “No. They turn 1/3 of the way, because their eyes only see straight ahead.”
Evan: “Only the Hatter can spin his head around.”
// June 9th, 2010 // 2 Comments » // kid quotes
“Amy? What do you want for your birthday?”
“A clubhouse.”
“Mmkay, but what else?”
“Just a clubhouse.”
“A clubhouse takes a lot of time to build and Daddy is working outside of the house right now. Let’s think of something else you might like for your birthday.”
“It’s okay. Daddy can build it at night.”
“Amy, it’s raining today and tomorrow.”
“Doesn’t Daddy have a raincoat?”
“We can’t build a clubhouse in time for your birthday Amy.”
“You have a whole day before my birthday. That’s LOTS of time.”
// June 9th, 2010 // 2 Comments » // animals, kid quotes
Amy: “I got to go INSIDE the turtle habitat today!”
Evan: “Well, I got to go in a lion cage.”
Amy: “Nuh-uh. Nobody goes in the lion cage.”
Evan: “Did too.”
Amy: “If you went in the lion cage, you’d get eaten.”
Evan: “I went in the NICE lion’s cage.”
// May 25th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // kid quotes, movies
Amy: “I’m Batman and I can beat you up.”
Evan: “Well, I’m Darth Vader and I can win without even touching you.”
Amy: “Nuh-uh. Batman is better than Darth Vader.”
Evan: “Darth Vader is the best bad guy EVER. He always wins.”
Amy: “That’s not fair. You love Batman.”
Evan: “I love to win. Darth Vader wins.”
// May 20th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // clothing, Doug, kid quotes
First night: “Why can’t I sleep nekkid like Daddy does sometimes?”
Second night: “Can I just wear jammie bottoms and no shirt like Daddy wears?”
Third night: “Doug, I need you to start wearing panties and a gown at night.”
// May 16th, 2010 // No Comments » // kid quotes, preschoolers
Doug: “She looks EXACTLY like her Mommy.”
Me: “Maybe she’s really a clone.”
Evan: “No! Clones are bad and she is NOT bad!”
// May 14th, 2010 // No Comments » // preschoolers, school
“Evan, I need you to pay attention and answer the teachers’ questions today.”
“Okay. I’ll tell them a good joke.”
“Umm, why don’t you tell me the joke first.”
“Knock-knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Apple.”
“Apple who?”
“Apple head! Bwa-ha-ha! Isn’t that funny?”
On the class assignment flowchart, “apple head” is guaranteed to bypass all the academic questions and send you directly to the class with the strictest teacher for the naughtiest children.
// May 6th, 2010 // No Comments » // parenting
“Why do you sing so loud?”
“Will a baby cry if it smells my toot?”
“Why won’t daddy let me pee on the tomato plants?”
“If my p*n*s fell off, would I be a stinky girl?”
“Why can’t I have a real light saber?”
“Why are you making that face?”
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