Tawdry quirk curators
// June 10th, 2010 // No Comments » // kid quotes
Me: “Can owls turn their heads all the way around?”
Amy: “No. They turn 1/3 of the way, because their eyes only see straight ahead.”
Evan: “Only the Hatter can spin his head around.”
// June 9th, 2010 // 2 Comments » // kid quotes
“Amy? What do you want for your birthday?”
“A clubhouse.”
“Mmkay, but what else?”
“Just a clubhouse.”
“A clubhouse takes a lot of time to build and Daddy is working outside of the house right now. Let’s think of something else you might like for your birthday.”
“It’s okay. Daddy can build it at night.”
“Amy, it’s raining today and tomorrow.”
“Doesn’t Daddy have a raincoat?”
“We can’t build a clubhouse in time for your birthday Amy.”
“You have a whole day before my birthday. That’s LOTS of time.”
// June 9th, 2010 // 2 Comments » // animals, kid quotes
Amy: “I got to go INSIDE the turtle habitat today!”
Evan: “Well, I got to go in a lion cage.”
Amy: “Nuh-uh. Nobody goes in the lion cage.”
Evan: “Did too.”
Amy: “If you went in the lion cage, you’d get eaten.”
Evan: “I went in the NICE lion’s cage.”
// May 25th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // kid quotes, movies
Amy: “I’m Batman and I can beat you up.”
Evan: “Well, I’m Darth Vader and I can win without even touching you.”
Amy: “Nuh-uh. Batman is better than Darth Vader.”
Evan: “Darth Vader is the best bad guy EVER. He always wins.”
Amy: “That’s not fair. You love Batman.”
Evan: “I love to win. Darth Vader wins.”
// May 20th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // clothing, Doug, kid quotes
First night: “Why can’t I sleep nekkid like Daddy does sometimes?”
Second night: “Can I just wear jammie bottoms and no shirt like Daddy wears?”
Third night: “Doug, I need you to start wearing panties and a gown at night.”
// May 16th, 2010 // No Comments » // kid quotes, preschoolers
Doug: “She looks EXACTLY like her Mommy.”
Me: “Maybe she’s really a clone.”
Evan: “No! Clones are bad and she is NOT bad!”
// May 14th, 2010 // No Comments » // preschoolers, school
“Evan, I need you to pay attention and answer the teachers’ questions today.”
“Okay. I’ll tell them a good joke.”
“Umm, why don’t you tell me the joke first.”
“Knock-knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Apple.”
“Apple who?”
“Apple head! Bwa-ha-ha! Isn’t that funny?”
On the class assignment flowchart, “apple head” is guaranteed to bypass all the academic questions and send you directly to the class with the strictest teacher for the naughtiest children.
// May 6th, 2010 // No Comments » // parenting
“Why do you sing so loud?”
“Will a baby cry if it smells my toot?”
“Why won’t daddy let me pee on the tomato plants?”
“If my p*n*s fell off, would I be a stinky girl?”
“Why can’t I have a real light saber?”
“Why are you making that face?”
// May 4th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // kid quotes, life, parenting, relatives
click
Me: “What’s that…”
click
Me: “Evan! Stop taking pictures of Mommy.”
Evan: “Why?”
Me: “Never take pictures in the bathroom.”
Evan: “But I’m standing in the hallway.”
“Mom? Why are there X’s wiggling all over your phone?”
“Stop it.”
“You stop it.”
“He won’t quit throwing stuff at me.”
“He threw it first.”
“How am I supposed to leave you in charge when you are acting EXACTLY like a 4-year-old?”
“I’m not using that unisex bathroom. If don’t use the same bathroom as my husband, I’m certainly not using the same one as strange men.”
“His only option is bypass. Times three.”
“Don’t spend money on a box that you’re going to toss in the dirt.”
“Whoever is left behind gets to make that choice. If you want to decide, don’t go first.”
“… and I want you to sell the house and move in with someone who can take care of you and …”
“No tub baths. No driving. No lifting.”
“He’s not listening to you.”
“I know that, but I’m gonna say it anyway.”
“Cathy? I saw your pictures on Twitter and knew you were here somewhere.”
“Did you see the videos from Nashville today?”
“Mom? Can I have a playhouse?”
// April 11th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // books, kid quotes
“He kidnapped him!”
“The man in the yellow hat smokes?”
“George almost drowned!”
“He let a monkey smoke?”
“This book is weird.”
“I liked the movie better.”
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