I don’t think our species has evolved enough to research a link between infant/toddler nursing behaviors and future sexual behaviors, but I will go ahead and apologize to Evan’s future spouse.
Dear Evan’s spouse,
I’m sorry my son insists on pinching, biting and ‘searching for a radio station’. I have tried to discourage this behavior. I am doubly sorry for his habit of putting his face on your chest and making a raspberry noise while turning his head back and forth between your breasts. I did not do enough to discourage this particular activity and may have even encouraged it with my laughter. I’m sorry. At least he snores softly when he falls asleep in your arms.