that morbid post I said I was going to write

It’s the weekend and nobody reads blogs, so I’ll use this ‘conversations with myself’ time to make the post I said I would write about my eventual demise. As much as I find family cemeteries to be comforting to those left behind, I don’t want to be buried on the other end of the state, where my children and grandchildren will never live. So, I don’t care if I am buried or cremated. However, if I am cremated, I DO want my remains scattered somewhere. I don’t want my ancestors to have an urn with ashes stuck on a shelf and then an attic and then lost completely. Don’t sweat where I’m scattered too much. Wherever you choose will eventually be a strip mall anyway. Then, you can joke that I haunt the stores looking for comfortable shoes.

If I die on the road somewhere, please don’t put a plastic flower and cross shrine where my body quit working. That is not how I want to be remembered. Put books in a school library with my name in the cover, adopt a shelter dog and name it after me or fill an unused field with wildflowers.

Do not play organ music in the funeral home. Play only things that I enjoyed. Make sure you include “Shine On You Crazy Diamond“. Wear nametags in the funeral home. Don’t write “Doug” on your tag. Write “Cathy’s husband” or “blog friend” or “bought cookies from her every year.”

Stick all my clothes and shoes in boxes, tape them up and drop them off at the charity of your choice. If anyone wants anything else that’s left, take it. Otherwise, box it up and drop it off somewhere. I don’t own anything worth selling and it would waste time and energy that you should be spending elsewhere.

As for my obituary, I hope I have more to add (who am I kidding, this is it), but I think it should look something like this:
Cathy was born May 12, 19something in Chicago, IL. She moved to Memphis, TN in first grade and stayed until she graduated high school. She graduated from MTSU with a Psychology/Sociology major. She left UT one history class shy of her second degree. She married her best friend, Doug and they raised five wonderful children together. They lived a simple but happy life together. Cathy loved children, dogs, flowers and food. She enjoyed music, funny movies and late night television viewing. She liked taking pictures and being with her family. Cathy was sarcastic, klutzy and slightly neurotic. She is finally getting that rest she always whined about needing. Instead of flowers, Cathy would like you to perform a random act of kindness toward others.

6 thoughts on “that morbid post I said I was going to write

  1. Here lies Cathy’s brother Matt, born 10-20 years (or so, roughly) after Cathy in Memphis, TN, educated at MTSU and IU, married that hot chick from the frat house, had 3 awesome kids, and was bitchin’ good at BF2.

  2. I was going to get one of those stickers on my car that said “In memory of Cathy”, because those are so tasteful.

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