my rules are not your rules

When he was very young, Tommy’s world was rigid and structured. It was necessary for him to be comfortable in an unpredictable world. As he has matured, we have deliberately messed with his “rules” to help him learn to adapt. Sometimes it was funny, but usually it felt painful to make a big deal out of little things, like changing his ‘spot’ at the dinner table. He still has his routines, but they are largely limited to things which do not affect other people, like when he goes to the bathroom and how much tissue he uses (exactly 9 squares). Tommy understands that he can have rules in his life, but he can’t ask for or expect anyone else to follow his rules. He will not be one of those people who spend their lives trying to inflict their rules on other people. He is too respectful of others’ to tell them when to eat or what they can’t drink. I don’t know what Tommy’s future will be, but I know it keeps looking brighter. I’d better buy that boy some sunglasses. In the Autism community, people are drawing lines in the sand and asking families to choose. Either love your child unconditionally just as they are or do everything in your power to cure your child’s Autism. I think that’s sad. We should ALL love our children, NT or not, unconditionally as they are but do everything we can to help our children be the best they can and functional members of society. If your child isn’t functioning at home, school or in the community, you don’t ignore or accept it. You try to help when they are children. By the time they are teenagers, you give them the chance to help themselves. I can’t and won’t always be there to fix Tommy’s problems. At some point, it is up to your child to accept responsibility for who they are and what they do. Tommy has reached that point.

Tommy ended his Junior year with just one “B” and everything else “A”.

One thought on “my rules are not your rules

  1. Very well said! I think it’s the parents of the older children who have realized this after many many years of trying everything they can to “cure” their children and wishing they could go back and do it all differently (at least that’s my opinion). Luckily I never fell into the “cure” hype and have accepted my son, quirks and all.

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