introspective moment

A Twitter msg I received from Blue Sloth: “*sigh* I remember the days when you were such the wide-eyed optimist…then a pragmatist…now a fatalist.”

Hmm. I always thought I was a pragmatist, but I had to let that one simmer for a while. Then, Newscoma tossed this gem out there:

Sometimes, being apathetic is the best way to go. Other times, passion has to rule and then you have to let your spirit just take over, embracing the emotion and the feelings that are apt to change as they often do and just let destiny guide you.

I think that I spend my life standing on the shoreline. I try to appreciate the beauty of the ocean as well as the beauty of the shore. The diversity of life on either side and the way that the two sides interact is amazing to behold. I have to be a wife and mother and member of my community, too. Sometimes, the sand and salt get in my eyes and I just can’t see anything but my own tears. Frequently, the wind and waves beat at my flesh until I am broken and weary.

I know far too many people who only care about the things that they see directly affecting their own family. They can’t see how everything and everyone is connected. Maybe they are overwhelmed by the mere act of living life. It is hard to keep everyone fed and clothed, but there is much more that matters. I try to carefully choose which battles I will fight. I always knew how the rezonings would end, especially as everyone involved screamed only about their own needs. I still had to try and push for the right thing. The consequences of that fight were harsh. Will I do it again? Absolutely. When I’m down, my words are dark and my efforts are focused on the simple task of breathing. There’s too much to do for me to stay in that dark place. “Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim, swim.”

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