can I just lacquer my pits?

When Doug buys deodorant, he looks for the cheapest product on the shelf. I ran out of my deodorant and Doug offered to grab something for me while he was out. Umm, no thank you. I eliminate everything on the shelf with the words “delicate” or “light” and look for the product that claims to be strongest. “Prescription” strength makes me so happy I giggle. If they marketed a deodorant toward professional athletes, that would get my attention. I really don’t want to be stinky. Also, if the product comes in twelve different scents, I am still picking the one that smells like nothing. I am trying to avoid odors, not add them. I would buy a deodorant that smells like soap. Soap is the only thing I want to smell like. I tried embracing the normal, natural smells of a human being when I was in college. I am pretty sure that one of the reasons college students spend so much consuming alcohol is to cope with women trying to find their place in the hierarchy of feminists. I don’t want to smell like armpits, feet, oily hair, musk or pear trees. I want to smell like soap or nothing. When someone develops an experimental laser procedure to eliminate armpit odors, call me. I will be a test subject for you. I was a test subject once before. I let a clinic use me to develop their baseline statistics and the result was that I got to see without glasses. If I’m willing to let someone laser my eyes, I’m not going to hesitate to offer my armpits. It’s for the good of science.

3 thoughts on “can I just lacquer my pits?

  1. There actually IS a treatment for excessive sweating – they give you something like Botox shots in the armpit and it stops the sweating and the smelling lol. It has to be repeated over and over though because like Botox it only lasts for so long.

  2. If you get a call for the testing make sure you hook me up, also. I tend to get a little on the smelly side if I don’t use the correct deodorant, also. (Personally, I have found that Secret Platinum (solid) is the only thing that works for me. It has trichlorohydrex as the active ingredient and all the others have tetrachlorohydrex). I don’t think the Botox would work for me, because I don’t have overly sweaty pits – they just get a little gamey! I know, I know – TMI! But if girls can’t talk about these things on the Internet with complete strangers, then who can they talk about them with?

  3. No one is sweatier than I am. No one. I just bought something new the other night–I’ll look when I get home to find out which brand; it was one of those “prescription strength” ones. I was so glad when those came out because Certain Dry stinks too. This one does NOT contain aluminum chloride so you can use it right out of the shower (including after shaving) in addition to at bedtime like they recommend.

    The only thing I don’t know is brand. I think it’s Dove because that’s the only one I hadn’t seen before. The scent is “green tea” but I don’t detect much scent. I too would prefer to smell like nothing or soap. 🙂

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