How to: dust houseplants

1. While moving furniture to sweep, notice the dust on the leaves of a houseplant.
2. Spray furniture polish on an old shirt/new dust rag.
3. Beginning at the top of the plant, gently wipe the top surface of each leaf.
4. Discover dried splash of what appears to be the children’s gogurt.
5. Gently rub the glob for five minutes.
6. Snip off yogurt leaf.
7. Fail at attempt to explain to sassy teen why you are cleaning leaves.
8. Gently rub several leaves at once.
9. Carelessly swipe entire branches of leaves.
10. Run outside to rescue a child with a skinned knee.
11. Come back inside and declare plant “clean enough.”
12. Make mental note to begin step three in a different location every time in the hope that eventually the entire plant might actually be clean.

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