The not-a-child formerly known as Aspie Caveman shall now be called Stacheman.
The former Sparkly NY Vampire Teen will now be dubbed Starving Artist.
The middle child who was uncreatively labeled The Teen is now Professor Teen.
She who was only known by her age, as in, the 10-y-o, is now SuperTween.
He who once declared himself Yoda will now be referred to as Sawyer.
Complaints should be filed within 7 days.