Now, you are 13. You’ve been the “only person in the world not on facebook” for at least three years. As promised, you can venture forward into the hyperbolic world of social media if you follow a few simple rules.

1. You will friend/follow your father and I on every social media platform you join.

2. Problems with anything posted online will be addressed IRL.

3. Do not allow others to harm you on social media.

4. Do no harm to others via social media.

5. Even though your friends are awesome, I won’t friend/follow them until they are 18.

6. Do not friend/follow your teachers until they are no longer your teacher. Accounts created specifically FOR your class to keep up with assignments and do group projects are obviously something you SHOULD follow.

7. Do not repost or comment on articles you did not read.

8. Only Hitler was Hitler. Nothing and nobody is just like Hitler.

9. If you aren’t willing to sign your real name to it, don’t post it.

10. Rules can and will be added based on your actions.