After decades of parenting, the vermin odds finally caught up with us. Lice have violated my child’s scalp. We did once have a relative report that they were infested and we responded with shampoos and linen laundering, but bugs were never seen. This time, it was so horribly obvious that we immediately quarantined all of […]
There’s a Flat Stanley coming home from school this week. Stanley has visited us many, many times over the years. Stanley never comes home at the very beginning of the year to spend the year being mailed to friends and relatives all over the globe for an end of the year report about cities, sights […]
While Westley was *tutored weeks ago, I have stalled and dragged my feet on Buttercup’s surgery. I have an unhealthy fear of anesthesia and I’m terrified that surgery will reveal unseen birth defects. Today was Buttercup’s scheduled appointment and before we knew that the vet was ill and rescheduled us for next week, we had […]
“I want to talk about your business slogan, but we’re going to do something else first. Let’s look at the slogans for some of the businesses you know.” Fifteen minutes of twitchy, fidgeting research later: “Now, think about all the slogans we just read. Would you like to revise YOUR slogan a little bit?” “No. […]
First attempt Mom: “Don’t start writing. Put your pencil down and let’s talk about this. What kind of business would you like to have?” Sawyer: “Toys R Us.” Mom: “We already have Toys R Us stores. Let’s think about something that we don’t have.” Sawyer: “An Amazon store so you don’t have to wait a […]
The evening before Halloween, Doug attempted to stop a fight between one neighbor’s cat and another neighbor’s dog. It ended tragically for both animals. Tommy and I cried ourselves to sleep. I couldn’t bring myself to tell the two youngest children who didn’t witness the horror. Halloween morning, I awoke with a migraine. The kind […]
Supertween: “Are you lonely when everyone is at school?” The answer I didn’t give: I have been so busy since school started back that it feels like a blur between the time you leave for school and the time that you return. The answer I did give: “I miss you whenever you are away.”
Denial: Ask if it is time to leave 283 times in the first fifteen minutes of the event. Every time an adult not related to you giggles, ask three more times. Anger: Hide in the bathroom and FaceTime your sad circumstances to everyone who makes the mistake of accepting your call. Bargaining: Ask to leave […]