Sawyer: “Why did he say cooked goose?” Supertween: “It’s an idiom. He’s saying he’s in trouble and doesn’t want to get eaten. Did you know that some people eat geese?” Sawyer: “Oh, I know. I only eat pig. Sometimes I eat cow, but mostly I eat pig.”
In the magical world of my imagination, grocery stores update their websites with daily banana status reports. This morning, our bananas are: __ greener than grass __ almost ripe __ ready to eat __ ready for cooking __ bruised by wandering jugglers
Several months ago, someone used my credit card to do some online shopping. I wanted to figure out how it happened so that I wouldn’t repeat whatever allowed the theft to occur. I found it extremely frustrating that neither the bank nor the online retailer would tell me the address of the recipient of the […]
“Where is the apple cider?” “Did you look on the juice aisle.” “It is not on the juice aisle.” “Just heat apple juice with red hots and it’ll taste the same.” “That sounds good, but I want to put cider, ginger ale, red hots, cinnamon sticks and cloves in the percolator.” “You’re doing it the […]
Me: “Have you eaten anything other than funnel cake today?” Girl Teen: “I just finished eating some baked beans.” Me: “Beans?” Girl teen: “Bush’s beans. I didn’t think I could buy them in New York, so I hid a can in my luggage.” Me: “The luggage we shipped so you could travel to school on […]
“Evan! What are you doing?” “Spitting out my watermelon seeds.” “Why are you spitting them on the living room floor?” “Dad told me not to swallow them.”
Someone needs to develop an app that predicts reactions to specific recipe ingredients. “Vegans will weep.” “Diabetics will need insulin if they look at it.” “Why do you hate people with peanut allergies?”
“We’re here for a football game.” “I see popcorn! Can we get popcorn instead of football?” “The band is going to play music and then the football players will run on the field.” “Are the footballers still eating their popcorn?” “Why is that lady eating peanuts when there’s popcorn?” “The band is going to sit […]
Decoration Day, Fourth of July, Labor Day and Christmas memories from my childhood are connected to the extended family gatherings that happened with each holiday.It didn’t matter if it was at my great-grandparents’ house in Natchez Trace, the nearby State Park or my Great-Uncle’s in Martin, the event was about people and food. Relatives who […]
I spent almost an hour casually strolling the aisles of the grocery store. I marveled at the varieties of something as simple as milk. I looked at new products that may or may not have been food. I studied the changes in packaging and the subtle reduction of quantity in each and every prepackaged food […]