“Mom, where’s my *stick collection?” “Your what?” “My sticks. I collect one everywhere I go.” Suddenly I have an image of the pile of dirty, broken, bug infested kindling that I found **under the kitchen table and threw in the trash. “Umm, I think it got accidentally thrown away..” Begin crying, wailing and moaning that […]
In theory, advent calendars are an easy way for small children children to conceptualize the amount of time left until Christmas day. In reality, they are daily anxiety attacks for moms. Aside from the constant reminder that time is running out to sell a kidney and find the perfect gift for everyone, multiple children require […]
“Evan needs to go potty. Quick!” Doug scooped up a naked 3-year-old and carried him to the bathroom. CRUNCH “Ow!” “Don’t move!” Doug raced from the bathroom to find me with a Christmas tree light embedded in my heel. Amy and Noah appeared in the broken glass zone to watch the blood drip from my […]
In a large family, the Equilibrium Principle states that the number of your own children going to sleep at other people’s houses is balanced by the reverse reaction of other people’s children coming to sleep at your house. The number of children in the household remains constant. Exceptions to this rule occur on birthdays and […]
Amy is going through a very annoying sleep avoidance phase. Every single night she uses all the traditional excuses to avoid bed and then she creates some new reasons to stall. If Amy is to be believed, every night at bedtime she is suddenly starving to death, dying of thirst, hot, cold, itchy and in […]
I write on School Matters, too.
In theory, school projects are a good idea. Instead of just spending weeks learning that A+B=C, students make something that applies the concept. In reality, the projects are almost always done primarily by parents while children watch them and listen to an endless lecture about why they are doing this or that. “…and what do […]
I love caller ID. Without even picking up the phone, I see one of the children’s schools on the ID and I know something is wrong. Is it the middle school? Noah must be having a nosebleed. Is it the high school? Sarah must have lost her cell phone. Is it the elementary school? Maybe […]
Sarah has been counting down the days until Twilight hit the theaters. When Noah and his friend asked to go see the teen vampire romance, I was a bit surprised. “Umm, are you going to see the girls in the audience?” I started calculating when and where the two 12-y-o’s would go to the movie. […]