Domestic Psychology

Why do you scout?

// February 22nd, 2012 // 6 Comments » // children, scouts

Because I am a liberal who respects science and believes relationships should be based on love instead of anatomy, I am frequently asked why my family participates in Boy Scouts. The short answer is that Boy Scouting is a scout centric program.

When my sons first expressed an interest in Boy Scouts, I was concerned. I didn’t want them being taught to hate people. As soon as I met the Scout leader, I knew that despite the homophobic hate that comes from adults in administration, what happens on the troop level is nothing short of wonderful. Every scout is guided toward self confidence as they discover how capable they are. There is no time for politics when everyone is working together to climb a mountain.

Scouts learn courage and strength by doing the things that technology can’t do for them. They crawl in tiny caves, cross fast moving water and use fire as a tool. In the beginning of their scouting career, scouts lean on others. In the blink of an eye, those same scouts become leaders. When your focus is lifting each other up, there is no dragging each other down.

While it is possible that our Boy Scout troop’s attitude of working together to be your best is the exception, I suspect that it is the norm. The other scout families that we have met have been more like us than different from us. We all want to raise confident children who know how to work as a team to be a success. Deep down inside, we know that our children are learning to be better people than their parents AND the scout admins who have time to waste on social issues.

Entertaining myself. And others.

// February 14th, 2012 // 3 Comments » // Doug, scouts

I like holidays. They are picnics on the journey of life. Some picnics are full of fun. Other picnics are reflective. Every so often, a bear steals your basket of food and the picnic is just something you’re happy to survive. Valentine’s Day is a quick snack and toss the frisbee picnic.

I walked in the Boy Scout merchandise store with one goal in mind, Doug’s gift for Valentine’s Day. As I usually do, I meandered and picked out more than I intended. When I arrived at the register, I plopped my pile of olive colored items on the counter. Unlike most stores that silently ring your purchases, the Boy Scout store employees try to be helpful and make sure that you are getting the right equipment.

“Ohhh honey, these are the knee socks. You want the crew socks instead.”
“No. I came in to buy the knee socks. The other stuff is impulse.”
“You want the knee socks for your husband?”
“I have always told him how much I think that grown men in shorts and knee socks is dorky. I also told him that if he went off the deep end with scouting, he would have to wear the dork socks. Well, he has crossed over to the dark side. He has three different scout meetings this week and camping or activities absolutely every weekend.”
“Oh, he crossed to the dark side and set up camp there. Knee socks it is.”

like a slow motion train wreck

// July 19th, 2009 // 6 Comments » // health, medical, scouts

Late Thursday night, we got a phone call from *camp that two boys in Noah’s troop were sick and H1N1 was suspected. After a sleepless night, we got another phone call saying that the two sick scouts didn’t have H1N1′s trademark high fever and life returned to our version of normal. Saturday, the phone call report was that multiple scouts in our troop AND the camp were sick and one of our scouts was hospitalized. <- insert mom panic here ->

We called the pede before the boys arrived home from camp. Our pede won’t prescribe TamiFlu for the children until one of them gets sick. We sent all the siblings to the grandparents and began the wait for a symptom that would send us to the ER for TamiFlu. I called again the next day when Noah’s temp rose to 99.6 and he started refusing food and complaining of sleepiness. The on-call nurse went out of her way to be rude and insulting to me while telling me there was no reason to go to the ER before the temp is 105. I tweeted a nasty word in frustration. Six people from our troop have been diagnosed so far. In the mean time, every scout who came home exposed every person they saw. The parents in our son’s troop work for Knox County Schools, ORNL, UTK, the U.S. military and more. There is no way to list all the places that our scouts and their families have been in Knoxville since they were first exposed. It is way beyond containable now. Worse than that, one boy is STILL in the hospital. I wonder if the stress knot in my belly will keep me from getting sick enough to need medical care? One major illness without insurance will be one too many for us to bear. I would really like to say c’est la vie, but I think that’s impossible without modern pharmaceuticals. Or ice cream.

*Read the comments on the camp’s blog and see that no matter what they do, they are made the bad guys. Keep the boys at camp? Parents upset. Send the boys home? Parents upset.

new OS for Noah

// March 13th, 2009 // No Comments » // parenting, scouts, teenagers

As I drove Noah to his middle school band concert, he talked about the songs he was going to be playing. No. That’s not an accurate description of our conversation. It would be more accurate to say that Noah spoke sheet music slang and I nodded my head while saying “mmhmm.”

“So then, during the spy song, I get to use all the fun stuff. Like, I use the whack thing and go clack-clack when the band goes boom-boom-boom and then I shake the things that are like maracas but aren’t and I go sha-shoo-sha-shoo while the band goes mwa-mwa and then . . . ”

After three song descriptions, I asked Noah if he was nervous about the concert. “Well, no, I mean, uh, not really, but maybe I guess I am.” I told him he would do just fine and to relax and enjoy the music.

“You just jinxed me! I’ll mess up now and everyone will hear me miss my note! Why did you do that?!?”

Sigh. Noah will not be 13 until May and I did not see the paperwork requesting early entry to teenage melodrama. This development was not pre-approved. I think I’ll just ship Mr. Adolescent off to camp with the Boy Scouts for Spring Break. They’ll love having an extra personality or three.

psst, wanna buy some cookies?

// January 19th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // food, scouts

It’s Girl Scout cookie time. Again. Right on schedule, something else is in the news that threatens to make it even more difficult for girls finance their activities by selling cookies. I won’t give more attention to some of the manufactured drama from the past. Instead, let’s talk toxic peanut butter. I had to go directly to the cookie manufacturer to get my question answered, but so far, East TN Girl Scout cookies are NOT affected by the peanut butter recall. Here is the press release from Little Brownie Bakers:

For Release: January 19, 2009
Peanut Butter Safety in Girl Scout Cookies®

LOUISVILLE, KY — The peanut butter used in all Little Brownie Bakers Girl Scout® cookie products is not sourced from the supplier involved in the current peanut butter recall.

FDA and other regulatory agencies have indicated that Peanut Corporation of America (PCA) is the focus of their investigation concerning a recent Salmonella outbreak thought to be caused by tainted peanut butter. PCA does not supply peanut butter used in the Company’s Tagalongs® or Do-si-dos® branded Girl Scout® cookies.

Food safety is of the utmost importance to us. We appreciate the trust you have placed in us to provide high quality, safe food. We appreciate your support of the Girl Scouts® in your community.

Out of curiosity, I checked with the Girl Scout cookie bakery for other parts of the country. ABC Bakers is also NOT affected by the peanut butter recall. So, order Girl Scout cookies and know that you are helping pay for adventures and experiences that will help girls grow and learn. Isn’t life complicated enough without having to worry about peanut butter?

but … food is expensive

// November 12th, 2008 // 3 Comments » // food, scouts

The Boy Scouts plan their own meals for camping trips. They also take turns buying the food. Well, technically the boys make the list and fill the shopping cart. The adults only job is to pay for the food. Guess whose turn it is to buy the food? In theory, this teaches the boys important skills. In reality, it makes me incredibly nervous. I have come to accept that I will pack Noah and Doug (and whoever else is going) a dozen outfits for a weekend trip. “This one in case it’s cold and this one if it gets hot and this one for rain and…” The boys will still return home in the same outfit they were wearing when they left and every unworn outfit will be inexplicably filthy. Wasted laundry, but that doesn’t bother me. The idea of wasted food makes my left eye twitch. I know I’m not supposed to question the boys’ meal planning, but when it looks like they are planning a leisurely brunch of pancakes with fresh fruit and whipped cream for a NOVEMBER camping trip, I imagine tons of ruined, uneaten food. Sure, I would like to know which middle school child spells “oarnges” or “katsup” but, I would prefer that one of the leaders intervene before food is used to teach a lesson. If the uneaten food was good for the animals, I guess it wouldn’t bother me so much. I just don’t think that wild animals need to be eating unused batter or burnt pancakes. Why can’t the boys just eat eggs in orange halves like other scouts?

urban scouts?

// August 6th, 2008 // 4 Comments » // local, scouts

Tanasi Girl Scouts have wanted a new headquarters forever. The old location was difficult to find and in a less than popular area of town. It was a leased building on leased property. There were no outdoor accomodations for ceremonies or gatherings and the indoor facilities didn’t meet the needs of an active council. I always thought they should build someplace rustic and natural. Knoxville is diverse enough that this could easily happen within city limits. When the great council merge was announced, it left many wondering if the newly merged council that now includes the Tri-Cities area and Chattanooga would be headquartered somewhere other than Knoxville. Now, the council headquarters is going to move to the existing Downtown West strip mall behind Bearden High School. The same strip mall that is physically connected to the student parking section of the high school. I’m sure the facilities will be nice, but I really wish they were locating someplace with a more natural exterior. Like, maybe a tree on the property instead of only concrete and asphalt surrounding the building. I guess the snakes next door count as wildlife. I hope they know that the high schoolers are going to tag their property the way they have every other business in that strip. Do they know that during school events the overflow parking fills their lot? It’s so close to my house I could walk there, but I still wish they could have built a building of their own, in a setting that reflects an appreciation of nature like the Boy Scouts built instead of leasing space in a strip mall.

don’t anger the mother bear

// July 7th, 2008 // 7 Comments » // aspergers, people, scouts

One of the other scout parents has “concerns” about Tommy attending Boy Scout camp for a week without Doug there also. The person who was asked to relay this information only gave us one quote. “Is Tommy annoying on purpose?” I asked the concerned parent if they are annoying on purpose. No. I would not do that. I might eat their face off though. No. I won’t do that either. In fact, I won’t even be invited to the meeting. I would put my hands on my hips and give the parent one of my patented looks while explaining that we didn’t allow Tommy to join scouts until he was capable of self control and displayed no behaviors that you wouldn’t experience from any other boy there. No. Tommy is better behaved than many of the other boys in the troop. They just don’t have a diagnosis that their parents share honestly with the troop. For some reason, Doug thinks he can handle this discussion with more tact than I can. I might tactfully sign the things I am not allowed to say. On the other hand, I think I’ll just let Doug handle this one.

stealing from children

// June 4th, 2008 // 1 Comment » // people, scouts

Last week, someone stole the Boy Scout trailer with most of their camping equipment stored inside it. The trailer and almost everything in it were bought with money the boys made selling popcorn. The things that weren’t bought by the boys were made by the boys, like metal work used to cook turkeys over a campfire. The trailer was locked and booted and parked in a church parking lot. It is not the first scout trailer stolen in our town, but it is the first time our troop has been targeted.

As word spread among parents and community members, I have heard insulting remarks made about different races, genders, ages and ethnic groups in relation to crime in our town. There is an urban legend-ish e-mail being circulated in the scouting community that claims drug dealers steal the trailers to use the propane inside to make drugs and the trailers to distribute drugs. I don’t have any idea if the trailers and equipment end up in flea markets, pawn shops or metal recyclers. I just know that the kind of people who steal from Boy Scouts don’t care who their victims are. They are the kind of people who steal candy from babies. They are the kind of people who hock their own mother’s oxygen tank. They are . . . well, you get the picture.

I don’t think I care why someone stole the trailer. I don’t expect to ever get the equipment back again. The boys will work very hard to sell their expensive popcorn this fall. Slowly, the equipment will be replaced. The trust that the boys have lost will never return.

just wondering

// August 18th, 2007 // No Comments » // Doug, scouts

Why do the Boy Scouts always go camping someplace without phone reception? Do they hate technology or are they hiding from their wives and mothers? How much time must pass after they return home before I can ask them to take out the trash? Or get rid of the spider in the bathtub?