more breast talk

Because everyone is talking about this and I have nothing else to say today, let me paint a picture for you. Almost 18-month-old Evan wants to nurse, so he climbs in my lap and begins tearing at my shirt. I rapidly work to accomodate him while saving my clothing from permanent damage. He latches on immediately while rising to his feet in my lap. This is immediately followed by his feet bouncing, his booty shaking and his torso twisting. He disco dances while still attached. One hand is on the breast in use while the other hand assaults the spare breast by pinching, squeezing and tearing at any clothing in his way. He doesn’t just stay attached though. He pops on and off to giggle, make raspberries and occasionally, spit at me. His ultimate goal is to be able to bounce back and forth from the right side to the left side as if he were snacking on popcorn. The ONLY time he doesn’t perform this routine is when he falls asleep at the breast. Once asleep, he will only stay asleep if he remains attached. All night, every night I try to work him off and it lasts from zero to 20 minutes before he is so hysterical that we have to start over again. Now, note that the baby on the airplane was 22-months-old. I am 99 percent certain that this is just an ignorant airline employee who is embarrassed by the human body, but if it was me on the airplane with Evan, we could have disturbed everyone on the plane, even WITH a blanket that he would fight tooth and nail.

4 thoughts on “more breast talk

  1. OK this is SO funny. I currently am a nursing mother of a 12 month old. I’m trying to figure out how to end that but not having success. When my baby is hungry or bored she pulls open my shirt and starts throw toys and her binkis down it. She will open my shirt in public and look down and make grunting sounds. It’s very embarrassing for me. I must admit that when I do nurse her it is a lot easier than it seems to be for you. Thanks for sharing that incredibly funny story.

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