One night this week, a mosquito viciously attacked me on the bottom of my foot. It woke me up enough to know I had an itch, but not enough to think clearly. I tried scratching with my non-afflicted foot, but apparently my toenails are too short to be useful. I rubbed the foot on the edge of the bed, but despite the fact that our bed is sharp enough to cause Noah to need stitches in the distant past, it wasn’t sharp enough to ease the itch. I finally took my fingernails and scratched the skin off my foot. When the itch became a burning sting of pain, I ceased scratching and rubbed my abused foot on the sheets until I drifted back into a deep sleep. I blame Oak Ridge for my foot’s discomfort. Everyone knows Oak Ridge has secret laboratories with misunderstood geniuses in lab coats conducting top secret experiments. The evil scientists must produce some sort of mutant mosquitoes. I suspect the giant bugs in Peter Jackson’s version of King Kong were all from Oak Ridge labs. I think we should get an Oak Ridge ????????bat that was modified by the good scientists and let it live in our house to eat all the mosquitoes. Then again, maybe it would be easier to just put malaria netting over our beds so we can survive the East TN summers.