cluttered mind needs clearing

Our homegrown terrorist chose his ex-wife’s church as a target. This was not random. He doesn’t just hate some people, he hates everyone. When I read descriptions of him as a “loner,” my head says that he was a lonely, unhappy man who let bitterness and resentment take over his mind like a cancer. Maybe if he had a friend. Maybe if he felt loved. Maybe if we could see each other as human beings first and labels second. Maybe something. I try to pretend the killer is someone I love and care about. I search myself for pity or compassion and find none. The members of the church he attacked will forgive him long before I do. That makes me hateful, too. I don’t want this hate inside of me. The hate inside of me is my responsibility and not his. That doesn’t make me any less angry with him.

2 thoughts on “cluttered mind needs clearing

  1. I’m upset that I’m surrounded by all these people who seem paralyzed by fundamentalism. To know I walk the streets with people who are consumed with so much hate and intolerance scares me. Religion doesn’t seem to make so many of them more loving people, to me it seems to make them more hateful.

    Like you, I don’t like to feel hatred…I am hateful and intolerant of the hateful and intolerant.

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