Since I don’t know where to go for leeches, I think I’ll try some empty pen medical care. While Doug’s can be stabbed anywhere to relieve his ample blood pressure, mine will be jammed in my sinus windows that are making my face throb. What? You never saw the magical curative powers of writing implements on *Emergency?

*Now we know what John Locke’s father did when he wasn’t being a con man. Come to think of it, maybe stabbing people with pens in every episode should have been our first clue that his career as a paramedic was just a long con.