How not to: move furniture

I rearrange furniture. It forces me to clean nooks and crannies that are usually ignored. It allows me an excuse to declutter drawers and shelves. I find lost treasures and for a little while, I know where absolutely everything is located in that room. It makes a room feel fresh and new. I do it, because I like it. My OCD family members get twitchy when things are moved. They hate to clean. They would prefer if nothing was ever thrown away or donated to one of the downtown charities. They tolerate my playing dollhouse with their actual house, but they don’t understand it.

Because it brings me joy and causes them confusion, I try to do the furniture moving myself. Yesterday, the object of my obsession was our bedroom. There are several methods for moving furniture short distances. There is the put your back on a wall and shove the furniture with your hands and/or feet technique. The reverse of that is putting your hands and/or feet on the wall and shoving with your back technique. When a wall isn’t nearby, put your back on the furniture and shove while your feet act like anchors.

Sometimes, things like chairs and mirrors are easier to lift than push. When carrying heavy furniture, set it on your feet in between steps. Lift, step, step, set on feet, gasp, repeat. Pedestal beds allow you an excuse to use the normally ineffective, shin shove. The last, and probably least effective technique, is the pull which is necessary in the narrow gaps created by accidentally cramming all the furniture in the center of the room.

The next day, your entire body will hurt and you will have colorful bruises on your shins. You should moan and complain that you are coming down with the plague. “Honey? I need you to Google ‘everything hurts’ and tell me if I’m dying.” After you stub your toe on a table that you forgot has a new spot in the room, vow to spend the rest of the week on a project that can be done while sitting.

Forget this vow two days later when you decide to clean the top of the kitchen cabinets.

One thought on “How not to: move furniture

  1. Get some moving men, those little sliders, not the men themselves, though that would be awesome everytime you needed to move something. They will allow you to move anything.

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