Graduation: The Sitcom

Baccalaureate episode:
Mom, Tween and Graduating Teen raced off to the store to buy a replacement for Graduating Teen’s conveniently “missing” tie and a black slip for the Mom who could never remember that her only slip was white until she was in the process of getting dressed. Mom and Graduating Teen met at the cash register with their purchases only to discover that Tween had decided to go clothing shopping instead of waiting for them at the register as previously arranged. As the Mom was in the process of asking an employee to page the Tween, Graduating Teen and the Tween came out of the clothing racks, running toward the harried Mom. Crisis averted. Everyone arrived at Baccalaureate and life was good.

Commencement episode (part one):
The van was in the shop and the Grandparents had loaned Dad one of their cars. Dad raced off to return the rental car before getting charged another day for it. College Girl followed him in the Mom’s car. The Dad and College Girl returned in the Mom’s car to find Mom standing in the street, hands on hips, ready to leave. Mom, College Girl and Graduating Teen zipped off to Graduation. College Girl got dressed in the moving car. They were running late and Mom needed to help with Graduation set-up. As they were driving, Graduating Teen casually mentioned that the Girlfriend needed a ride to Graduation. Multiple panicky phone calls were made and the task was relegated to the Dad.

The Dad was left at home with Tween, Feral Child and Aspie Brother. The Mom left them with instructions to bathe, put on the clothes that she left sitting out for them and feed dinner to the Tween and Feral Child. Graduating Teen sent the Dad instructions to the Girlfriend’s house.

Mom’s carload arrived at the Commencement site and everyone busied themselves with Graduation preparations. The Grandparents arrived in their other car. Everyone settled in to enjoy the momentous occasion. Then, the phone rang. It was the Dad. “Where are the keys to the car you guys left for me?”

Commencement episode (part two):
The keys to the Grandparent car that the Dad needed were in Graduating Teen’s pile of stuff at the Commencement site. What wasn’t in the pile of stuff? The tassel for his hat. Graduating Teen searched the Mom’s car and the parking lot before he began panhandling to his school’s staff. “Does anyone have an extra tassel?”

At home, the Aspie Brother kept the Tween and Feral Child indoors while Dad shared his worst vocabulary words with the neighborhood. The Dad continued attempts to start the car without keys until the moment his pocket knife broke off inside the ignition. At that point, he switched efforts to borrowing a car from friends who live nearby. Hysterical phone calls were made.

College Girl prepared to take the keys home, an act that guaranteed she and the rest of the family would be quite tardy for Commencement. A text from the Dad alerted us that he was en route.

Mere seconds before the event was scheduled to begin, the Tween and her brothers appeared. Only two of them had dressed in the correct clothing. Feral Child was dressed in a tye-dye shirt, unmatching shorts, dark socks and sneakers. The Mom’s face turned several different shades of red and the rest of the family offered to move the Dad’s seat away from the Mom. The Dad walked in and collapsed in his chair beside the Mom as the music started playing. Everyone breathed sighs of relief.

As the graduates entered the room, Feral Child spoke up. “I’m hungry. Can we go get something to eat?”

Dorm move-in episode – coming soon

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