“Mom, where’s my *stick collection?” “Your what?” “My sticks. I collect one everywhere I go.” Suddenly I have an image of the pile of dirty, broken, bug infested kindling that I found **under the kitchen table and threw in the trash. “Umm, I think it got accidentally thrown away..” Begin crying, wailing and moaning that […]
In theory, advent calendars are an easy way for small children children to conceptualize the amount of time left until Christmas day. In reality, they are daily anxiety attacks for moms. Aside from the constant reminder that time is running out to sell a kidney and find the perfect gift for everyone, multiple children require […]
In a large family, the Equilibrium Principle states that the number of your own children going to sleep at other people’s houses is balanced by the reverse reaction of other people’s children coming to sleep at your house. The number of children in the household remains constant. Exceptions to this rule occur on birthdays and […]
In theory, school projects are a good idea. Instead of just spending weeks learning that A+B=C, students make something that applies the concept. In reality, the projects are almost always done primarily by parents while children watch them and listen to an endless lecture about why they are doing this or that. “…and what do […]
Sarah has been counting down the days until Twilight hit the theaters. When Noah and his friend asked to go see the teen vampire romance, I was a bit surprised. “Umm, are you going to see the girls in the audience?” I started calculating when and where the two 12-y-o’s would go to the movie. […]
Every morning after the children are on their way to their respective schools, I walk around the house cleaning up the evidence of the morning chaos. Most of my time is spent putting the bathroom back together. Twice as many toothbrushes as there are people in the family are scattered all over the counter top […]
“You have lines around your eyes, right here. There’s also lines over here and when you smile you get lines here and when you frown you get lines here and …” I would like to say I was clever and told her that trees get rings and moms get wrinkles. Instead, I glared at her […]
At 9 a.m. this morning, I settled in my little nook between the kitchen and living room. I needed to get one important e-mail sent before I moved on to my regular list of things to get done. The e-mail should have taken 5 minutes to write and an additional 5 minutes to add in […]
With 5 children, we are very lucky we don’t spend more time at doctors and hospitals. The children sensed that we were overdue for an ER visit and set out to remedy the situation. I knew it would be Amy or Evan who had the next big boo-boo. Watching the two of them interact is […]
Overheard in the high school band room: “My mother blogs everything. You might find yourself on the Internet.” Overheard through child’s bedroom door: Tween reading my blog out loud to his friend, followed by, “My family is funny.” There are mountains of blogs detailing the adventures of pregnancy and parenting UNTIL those children become teens. […]