Evan’s morning

At the first sound of anyone in the house sitting up in bed or stretching their toes, bounce out of bed and make a beeline for Lego Star Wars. Blearily stare at the screen and click buttons until you smell an open box of cereal. Race to the kitchen and demand a specific bowl, spoon and seat at the table. Eat every last bite of cereal. Be certain to take multiple breaks from said cereal to retrieve matchbox cars, make sure nobody is doing anything interesting without you and randomly running a lap around the living room. Drink milk from cereal. Loudly announce urgent bodily function and race to the bathroom with hand acting as an emergency shut-off valve.

Make a quick inventory of every family member’s current activity before returning to room. In a short amount of time, play with small cars, Playmobile and Legos. Remove shirt because it’s too hot to wear shirts. Go sit in Mom’s lap. Start to have a conversation with mom, then suddenly break out in song. Never tell her where you learned the song. Always say, “I just know it.” When she asks you to get dressed, ask for another bowl of cereal. Eat three bites of cereal, type some secret code on Mom’s computer and examine the clothes that are sitting out for you. Go find a “better” shirt. Insist that you won’t be wearing socks until a different person asks you. Cheerfully put socks on while first adult stares at you both.

Before both shoes are tied, declare yourself “ready to go” and head to the car while the adults run around the house grabbing what appears to be random things, like keys, bags, lunches and jackets. Hop in the car and notice something on the floor that requires intensive study. Ask multiple questions about found object as adult buckles you in your seat. As the car begins to pull out of the driveway, announce the need for a potty break. As adult runs in the house with you on their hip, drop a microscopically small toy in the yard. Giggle when running adult awkwardly tries to pick the toy up without dropping you.

Magically make one of your shoes disappear while visiting the bathroom. After it reappears on the top of the fridge, in the attic or at the neighbor’s house, begin complaining because you are not at school yet. Once you are finally en route to school, refuse to talk no matter what the adult says to you. Make sure the adult doesn’t sing to try and cheer you up, because you don’t need to be cheered. You are very happy. You just don’t want to chat.

Upon arrival at school, run at full speed to the door. Refuse to enter the building if someone is holding the door open. Wait until the door is completely closed so that you can open it yourself. Slide through the stair railing even though you aren’t going to use the stairs. Leave the hallway and use the long bathroom to get to the other end of the hallway with your classroom. Don’t use the bathroom for its’ intended purpose. Save that for later. Run to classroom door and throw backpack, lunchbox and folder at nearest adult even though they are asking you to put things away for yourself. Race off to play with a classmate. If parent lingers to watch you for a millisecond, gruffly tell them you are busy and they need to “go away.” Grin sheepishly. Wave. Go back to playing.

One thought on “Evan’s morning

  1. OMG, I’m tired just reading that. I need a nap now. (If only we could bottle that energy, eh?) Silly kid.

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