Dear Superintendant Mullins,

When you take a chunk of Bearden students and send them to West while sending a chunk of West students to Bearden, you are not “making adjustments for growth”, you are making socio-economic choices. Doubling students travel time and taking them away from their neighborhood school puts them at an increased risk for accidents, takes […]

e-mail filters

I was getting really graphic sp*m in my e-mail, so Doug cranked the filters up a notch (or three). Now, nothing gets through. It’ll take me a few days to retrieve all the mail trapped in cyber-jail, but I’ll get caught up with it. Be patient.

Dear Noah,

The next time you go camping, I will not pack towels, washcloths, soap or shampoo. I will not pack jammies or extra outfits. I will send you in an outfit that is stained, torn and outgrown. When you return, you can strip down in the yard and be hosed off BEFORE entering the house and […]

Dear Sam’s customers,

Why are so many of you dressed in camouflage? Is Sam’s the survivalists’ store of choice or was there a big sale on camo-wear last month? Mother-of-the-year who left your one and three-year-olds alone in the Sam’s exit while you went to get the car, you are incredibly stupid. If either of those babies had […]

Dear evil girl in Sarah’s gym class,

For telling Sarah that she has “ugly cone-shaped breasts” compared to your “perfectly shaped breasts,” I hope that you get a giant pimple on your nose the day before school pictures. Sarah’s Mom

Dear Tommy,

Using a Sawyer extractor on your forehead “to see what it felt like” was stupid. No, that won’t go away in the bath. Don’t do that again please. Love, Mom

Dear honking drivers,

Everyone around you wants to arrive at their destination safely. Everyone is doing their best. Honking your horns because traffic is slow will not make traffic go faster. It might startle someone and cause a wreck that traps everyone here for hours, but it won’t make traffic go faster. Lay off the horns. Turn your […]

Dear Doug,

You get “ideas”, not “i-dears”. If you pronounce it stupidly again, I may get an idea about you. Love, Cathy

Dear Evan,

From 11 p.m. until 1 a.m. is MY time. Except for weekend mornings when Daddy takes you upstairs so that I can have one hour without someone touching me, 11-1 is my only time in the day that I can relax, craft, re-start the dryer twice and share time with Daddy. 11-1 is NOT play, […]