Dear Mr. Abrams,

Please do not end LOST the way you ended Cloverfield. I don’t need answers for all of the questions about the island and it’s residents. I do need for all of the struggle and personal growth to matter. Reaching self-actualization only to accept premature death just can’t be the resolution for all of the characters […]

Dear Hollywood,

Since you are going to bicker about this for a long time, I’m going to say what nobody else will say. When this hiatus is finally over, please DON’T bring back: -Sarah Silverman Program -Kenny Vs. Spenny -At least half of the reality shows Thank you, Cathy

Dear Evan,

I love you. Your maternal grandparents think you are hysterically funny. Your Sunday School teachers think you are very sweet. At home, you resemble a gremlin. When I saw Elizabethtown, I was distracted from the visually appealing train wreck of a movie by the Samson character and his resemblance to you, my son. When I […]

Dear Internet,

No. My children may NOT wear pajamas to school unless it is some sort of “Jammy Day” during Spirit week. Even then, I don’t know if I will allow it. I don’t care if they wear pajamas all day when they are at home, but they will wear clothing when they are at school. If […]

Dear Doug,

Usually, you steal all the covers. Last night, you shoved all the covers toward me and I instinctively held onto them for ‘cover survival’. So, since you force me to fight for coverage and you shoved the covers, it is your fault that you had no covers. Even though I had ALL of the covers, […]

Dear Wal-Mall shopper,

I am certain that you thought it was very funny to walk up to the pregnant shopper and try to talk her into “taking” your 2-year-old son. I am equally certain that you terrified that poor woman. Even though her face showed sheer terror and she walked faster than she should have had to walk […]

Dear Sarah

I am not sorry that you had to have a check-up today. I’m also not a horrible mother who wouldn’t let them give you shots if I really loved you. When you had your baby shots, I cried before, during and after that needle invaded your skin. As you got older, I joked and distracted […]

Dear Doug,

Newscoma said I am making the most economical choice if I rent a movie from on-demand. Since you are eating fresh fish and having conversations with grown-ups, I think it’s a fair trade. Oh, beware of green markers tomorrow night. I love you! Cathy

Dear Molly,

I don’t care if the cat is finished with it, it is NOT food! Don’t eat it! Love, Mom

Memo to my children:

Effective immediately, no growth spurts will be allowed unless permission has been given, in writing, at least 30 days prior to said growing. Failure to comply will result in the wearing of wrong gender hand-me-downs for several weeks. Thank you, Parent Management