Dear future me,

I am writing this from ten years in the past, when Evan was only four. If future me is having a chat about Evan with his therapist or arresting officer, this date might be important. This is the date when I, err you, found all of Evan’s sisters’ underwear stashed on Evan’s little, crib-sized bed. If it was only the 7-y-o’s underwear, I would justify this behavior as proof that girls’ underwear is better, because it has all-over designs, while boys’ underwear only has a design on the back. Alas, the 16-y-o’s underwear were being claimed by Evan as well and big girl undies do not have cute cartoon characters.

If Doug’s, “That’s my boy” reaction turns out to be the explanation for the underwear collecting, future me is probably trying to explain to the police officer why my youngest son is a serial panty snatcher. On the other hand, future me might be explaining Doug’s reaction to Evan’s therapist and we may be looking for a cross-dressing support group for Doug and Evan. Either way, future me deserves a Grande Mocha and an hour alone in a quiet coffee shop. Future me might want to buy a lock for her underwear drawer on the way home from her coffee break.


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