Two large German Shepherd dogs give lots of love, but they also leave a lot of mess. One of our dogs hides in the forest to make her mess. The other dog? She doesn’t care about privacy or the perfect spot. She goes anywhere. Since she, umm, walks it out, it is literally everywhere in the yard. Since dog poo is magnetically attracted to shoes, when the yard becomes a stinky mine field, Doug does maintenance. Doug’s method is something of a mix between a trebuchet and The Shoveler. In one movement, he swoops the mess and catapults it into the overgrown forest. It’s not my favorite Doug routine, but it’s effective.

While the pretend children of sitcoms cutely walk around in their parents’ shoes and hats, real children copy their parents words and actions. The less desirable the words and actions, the more likely they will be imitated by children. Knowing this fact didn’t make it any less horrible when I looked out the front window to see the 5-year-old flinging dog poop while his 8-year-old sister stood beside him. “I found some more over here.” Unlike Doug’s quick fling across the yard, Evan’s method was to lift the heavy shovel full of dirt, grass and poop just enough to hoist it all straight up and above where he and his sister stood. The result was the first thing that I saw out the window. I stood in horror as it rained poop all over my children. Before I could get them to stop, they looked like they had been attacked by Mr. Hankey.

I don’t expect a sitcom life, but I don’t think reality show children do this kind of thing either.