Memo to self
Dear Cathy, Now that the leaves have fallen from the trees out back, you really need to be more careful about leaving the blinds open. You don’t want to traumatize the elderly couple that lives around the block. Cathy
Category: mail
a note to the future
I don’t think our species has evolved enough to research a link between infant/toddler nursing behaviors and future sexual behaviors, but I will go ahead and apologize to Evan’s future spouse. Dear Evan’s spouse, I’m sorry my son insists on pinching, biting and ‘searching for a radio station’. I have tried to discourage this behavior. […]
Dear Doug,
I love you.
the smell of elephants in the summer
Since the heat index is around 100, I am giving in to Amy’s begging and taking the children to the zoo tomorrow. Did I ever tell you the story about the time I had a heat stroke at the zoo and ended up on a gurney in the medical room? Or the time Noah had […]
Dear spider,
Our yard is a very nice place for you to live. You can choose from a variety of trees and brush. There is waterfront property and lots of cool rocks to hide between. We don’t poison your area with chemicals or pesticides and Doug occasionally throws apple cores, melon rinds and similar treats out for […]
Dear Doug
Evan is napping and the other children are playing outside. Have time for a break? Wait, Tommy is thirsty and Noah needs the bathroom. Okay, now they’re all outside…no, Sarah wants a popsicle. I’ll give them all popsicles and they’ll be happy. Oh, Amy has popsicle all over her. I need a minute to clean […]
Dear Doug
Someday, you and Evan will need to have that talk. Not the first talk or even one of the ones just after it to clarify details. I’m talking about the “think you know it all” talk. Please explain to Evan that pinching and twirling women’s nipples is not at all appreciated. I can tell by […]
a note
Note to the woman wearing a tiny baby in a tummy carrier while a lit cigarette balanced on your lip – Stop that!
Dear pediatric nurse,
Evan didn’t cry when you took his blood sample because you “hurt his feelings”. He cried because you hurt his chubby little toe with real, honest to goodness physical pain. If you can’t be honest with your patients, at least be honest with yourself. B**ch. Cathy
Dear Doug
Dear Doug, I apologize for squeezing bruises onto your forearms. Sorry I used fingernails on some of those squeezes. Sorry for the evil glares and wishing that when I was blowing and panting, I was blowing flames. Sorry for screaming in your ears and crying on your shoulders. I’m sorry I wouldn’t go to the […]